MAYrathon Day 9: Sweet Jelly of Sweet Pumpkin

So I guess it's a pumpkin theme this week? This one has me so perplexed and baffled that, unlike a typical review of odd soda or weird food, I've decided to completely avoid doing any research or backstory on what this product actually is. It's so weird looking and sounding that I really just want to go in blind with this one. So instead of finding out what it is, let's analyze the box a little bit and see what the hell this could possibly be.

First of all, this was another gem I discovered at the Asian Market. This was tucked away by the cash register like where you would find the gum or tabloid magazines at any local American grocery store. It was just so weird that I HAD to pick it up. Let's just do a top ten list of things I've noticed or picked up on just by looking at this box - 

1. On the front of the box alone, the word sweet is used four times; twice in just the name of the product.

2. I didn't know green pumpkins existed. I know they're green as they're ripening, but this photo shows like an entire orchard of green pumpkins.

3. Do pumpkins have jelly?

4. Are sweet pumpkins a thing?

5. The box also says: Sweet Pumpkins 24%. Good? Bad? 

6. Ingredients claim to be pesticide free. Good? Bad?

7. Box claims to be both 20% soybean AND 100% soybean. Huh?

8. 18.8% Rice Syrup. Seems highly specific

9. It expired in January.

10. What the hell is wrong with me?

I open the box of mystery and it appears to be a golden tube of tooth paste. I don't see any discernible way to open this except to get some scissors out and stab open this old the old fashion way.

And there it is - Sweet Jelly of Sweet Pumpkin in all it's glory. It's gelatinous, sticky and smells like malted barley. Let's take a big bite and regret it instantly shall we? 

I honestly don't know what to compare it to. Now I'm wishing I did some research. It's like a gooey, malted, bitter pumpkin with semi-sweet tapioca. Do I like it? I just...don't know. I'm going to need at least three days and seven bathroom breaks to really make a decision on this one. One thing's for sure - that's enough May pumpkins for awhile.