MAYrathon Day 4: (Star Wars Day) Prawn Crackers

Well it's officially Star Wars Day, May the Fourth, and what better way to honor my favorite character, Admiral Ackbar, than by eating his family. That's right, I took a trip down to the Asian Market and found myself a bag of Oishi Prawn Crackers. And in case you were wondering if they were happy to be eaten by an Irish-Polish buffoon with a website then look no further than their official website banner:

You Eat Us For Fun Time

I especially love the two prawn crackers shaking hands like their at a family reunion. So what is a prawn cracker you may ask? Well it's packaged like your run-of-the-mill chips or snack crackers you can get anywhere in the US, but it's actually made with real shrimp (apparently prawns were too expensive). Sure it's the eighth ingredient after starch, wheat, sugar, salt and other words I can't pronounce, but it's got shrimp dammit! Strangely enough; however, it's not a Japanese treat but a product of the Philippines. Here's what it says on the back of the bag:

          "FRESH SHRIMPS ( I guess shrimp is plural on that side of the Prime Meridian): Live shrimps are harvested and frozen to lock-in freshness until the day it is made into your favorite prawn crackers." 

A little presumptuous to assume this is my FAVORITE prawn cracker isn't it Oishi? They also warm me to consume IMMEDIATELY after opening. Well the suspense is killing me; let's break open this monstrosity of science and see what we're working with here. I broke open the bag and I was hit with a whiff of the cheapest smelling shellfish I've ever come across. It's indescribable. And here's what they look like fresh out of the bag...

Like a shellfish waffle fry.

So what does it taste like? I had about ten of them in a row just trying to come up with a discernible explanation. It's like if you went down to the ocean during low time and dredged up all the crustaceans you could, backed them into a truck full of shrimp ramen flavorings and then gave it to the Andy Capp Hot Fries guy and told him to make this delicious or you'd kill his dog. Yeah...let's just leave it at that.

May the Fourth Be With you. Except you Admiral...you're family's dead.