The 12 Days of POPmas Day 12: Candy Cane Train

  

So here I am doing my final day of the 12 days of POPmas on location at my parents' house on Christmas Eve. This room was my childhood playroom and there's still a ton of stuff in here from those younger years. I saved this particular soda for the end because it's a Christmas-themed pop and seemed appropriate for a Christmas Eve cocktail. This is Candy Cane Train. Which is a pretty odd name for a soda. That's like a chocolate soda called Chocolate Fountain Tractor. But obviously the picture shows a literal candy cane train, so I'll have to trust them on it. And to my delight I see there's a website posted right on the label, www.holidaysoda.com. I'm gonna give that a gander before trying this soda.

Fascinating...

Alright, well forget that then; I'm a little scared just how old this pop is seeing as their website is expired... Let's just jump right into drinking a carbonated candy cane shall we?

It smells faintly like a candy cane, but not much. It more or less just smells...old. Alright, last pop should be the best....right? (Takes a Santa sized sip). Eh...it's OK. I was expecting a little more of a peppermint BANG but it's more like a sugary red pop with the faintest of candy cane flavoring. It looks like the Candy Cane Train was a little light on its shipment this year. 2.5 out of 5 Santa Hats.

Alright! Made it though 13 different sodas in 12 days. Most of them were expired and most of them hurt my teeth and soul, but it was an adventure to say the least! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my six readers!

The 12 Days of POPmas Day 11: Almond Creme Soda

Every so often, I come across something, whether it be a beer, food or a soda, that I know I'm not going to like, but I have to try it anyway. The curiosity always gets to me, and I've always lived by the motto of try anything once. I don't think there's ever been something I've 100% turned down. There's some things I'll never try again, but at least I can say I've tried it all once. Just in case someone every says, "oh yea, well I bet you've never tried Teriyaki Beef Jerky Soda!" To which I can respond, "like hell I haven't sir; like hell I haven't!" Anyway, that's kinda how I feel about this next soda: All Natural Almond Creme. We already know how I feel about sodas with cream in them, and truth be told, I'm not wild about almonds either, so how can this be a winner?

This soda comes to us from the Tommyknocker Brewing company in Idaho Springs, Colorado. They brew a couple different creme sodas as well as a line of craft beers. I've never heard of this brewery as they don't seem to distribute in my neck of the woods, but it seems to be pretty popular among the mountain folk. There's even a little story on the bottle: 

   "DISCOVER THE LEGEND. Tommyknockers slipped into the Colorado gold camps with the immigrating Cornish miners during the 1859 rush. These mischiveous elves guided many a fortunate miner to the "Motherlode". (that's how they spell it). Renew the legend - share a Tommyknocker Almond Creme with a friend."

Well the joke's on YOU Tommy, I HAVE NO FRIENDS. BAHAHAHAHA......(single tear)........OK back on track. Let's snap it open and take a whiff.  It smells like a cream soda with a hint of nuttiness to it. How does it taste?

Like a creamy almond. No thanks - I refuse to indulge any more of your motherlode of cream, Tommy. 1.5 out f 5 Santa Hats.  

The 12 Days of POPmas Day 10: Rocket Fizz Black Licorice and Green Apple Jalapeno

Today's a twofer. I decided to try my other two remaining Rocket Fizz sodas in one post for two reasons. One - I already talked about my history with Rocket Fizz and the bottles are pretty minimalistic, so I don't have a ton of new stuff to say except for just cracking the bottles open and trying them. And two - I wasn't sure which one I wanted to try more. So why not both?

First up is black licorice soda. I talked before about how the buttered popcorn jelly belly is perhaps the most polarizing flavor known to man, but now I think I may have to correct myself. Black licorice is definitely a flavor that everyone, whether negative or positive, has a strong opinion about, and I think there's more hate than love for this dark candy concoction. And truthfully, no one I know really has much experience with an actual black licorice; it's always the black jelly beans that are usually left for last or thrown to the seagulls. Even when it came to those sniffable markers (referencing a 12 year old Dane Cook reference here - I'm cool), the licorice one was always the one you gave to the smelly kid who was trying to color with thumb tacks. Personally, I don't mind the taste, and I'm interested to see how it transfers into a soda, so let's give it a shot! I open it up and there's that strong black licorice smell. Reminds me of childhood jellybeans and collegehood jagger bombs. Here goes nothing...I'm actually pretty happy with how mild the flavor is. It doesn't overpower the senses and it's overall pretty drinkable. More like a root beer with a hint of licorice on the back end. I'd give it a 4 out of 5 Santa Hats.

Next is Green Apple Jalapeno. It's just such a weird combination; I don't even really know what to say about it. Besides being green, there's really no relationship between these two foods at all. I've never had anything where they've been put together. I just really gotta try thing; no more yammering on! I open it up an WHOA it smells just like a jalapeno. Not getting any apple though. Let's give it a taste. It's so...weird. It's not at all spicy, but it tastes like a green apple jalapeno. It's like the took out everything that makes a jalapeno spicy, threw in some soda water and green apple Jolly Ranchers and tossed it all in a blender. This is up there with the Jerky soda as one of the most unique flavors I've ever tried, except that it's not God Awful like the jerky soda. This one get a 4.5 out of 5 Santa Hats. I'd revisit this one again!

So of course I did what any 32 year old adult with a Master's Degree would do and decided to pour them both into a glass just for shits and giggles. And...now my tummy hurts...

The 12 Days of POPmas Day 9: Moxie

Hey kid, you got moxie! No, it's not just a compliment you get for doing a good job by an Italian stereotype; it's actually a soft drink. And widely considered to be the first mass-produced carbonated beverage in America! There was a time where you couldn't go into a local soda shoppe or drug store and not see that orange label everywhere. It was so popular that president Calvin Coolidge personally endorsed it. And while its popularity today has pretty much diminished, it still has a cult following in the New England states with Maine even naming it its official soda. 

And much like all of the old-timey sodas invented in the 1800s, it was originated as a nerve tonic and a general "placebo" type drug meant to cure what ailed ya. It even came out in lozenge form to cure whooping cough. It's amazing how all of these sodas we drink today just for the hell of it, originally were considered to have medicinal purposes. I'd kiss my doctor smack on the mouth if he told me the cure to the common cold was to slug a Coke Zero! Moxie is made with the gentian root which is known to help with indigestion, so maybe there is some truth to the claim. Also, in all the research I've done on Moxie, it appears that most people consider it to be pretty bland when compared to the high-fructose corn syrup loaded sodas of today.

Now I've had Moxie once before many years ago. My buddy Andy knew of my affinity for the bizarre and rare sodas and brought one back to me from Vermont. But it's been so long that I can't recall what the taste it, so let's do this. (glug, glug, glug). It's sweeter than the reviews I read on it claimed it to be. To be honest, it's a taste all in its own. It's fruitier than a cola but blander than a Dr. Pepper. The thing I could most compare it to would be a Faygo Rock N' Rye or the short-lived Barqs Cherry Cream Soda...but still not quite. It's unique and by George I like it. This soda has Moxie...and my stomach is already starting to feel better. 4.5 out of 5 Santa hats. 

The 12 Days of POPmas Day 8: Green Tea Low-Cal Soda

OK, so after the last few days of bizarre sodas both tasty and terrible, I need something to settle my stomach. Something that's not based off a candy, nor filled with cream or...meat. Something simple like green tea. Green tea is essentially the modern-day equivalent of the all-purpose tonic (more on that tomorrow); doctors and physicians essentially prescribe green tea for everything from weight loss to hydration to herpes, and it's a pretty inexpensive resource too. You can get a giant can of Arizona Green Tea for a buck at any supermarket. But in all my experiences with green tea, I've never come across a green tea soda. Perhaps because it's counterproductive? Tea is supposed to soothe and heal and pop is supposed to get you addicted to caffeine and rot your teeth. It would be like if Pepsi added Fish Oil to their ingredients and started calling it Pepsi Fish Heart Good Times. But I am curious about this one. It's pretty hard to screw up green tea, and as I look over the ingredients, it does indeed include green tea extract. The "Low-Cal" portion is 60 calories. Which I guess is low when compared to a regular soda, but when Low-Cal is actually a part of your label, you should at least have less calories than a Diet Mountain Dew. Let's see what we're working with here...

I pop it open and there's a rush of carbonation but almost no smell. I know green tea is fairly mild, but I thought I'd smell something. (takes a sip) Another thing I forgot to mention on the label is that it's advertised as "lightly sweetened", and boy oh boy, they're not lying about that! It definitely has a tea aftertaste, but really almost no flavor at all. It really reminds me of if you were taking a Dr. Pepper, which advertises as having a blend of 23 flavors, and taking away 22 of them. It's carbonated, fizzy and bubbly, but lacks any real flavor. Not a bad flavor, just not an exciting flavor. 2.5 out of 5 Santa hats. 

The 12 Days of POPmas Day 7: Beefdrinker Teriyaki Beef Jerkey Soda

I've been sitting on this one for quite some time. I just never knew when the right occasion would be to pop open some meat soda. But now is as good a time as any. This is the Beefdrinker Teriyaki Beef Jerky Soda. Let's take a look at this messed up label first. It looks like the cow just shit out a piece of bee jerky, which really gets me in the mood to drink it! And the bottom of the label states: "For that deep Carnivore Thirst." Is there a such thing as a carnivore thirst? Is this a vampire soda? And if you look close, I mean really close, you can see what may be the most disturbing thing I've ever witnessed on a soda bottle. See if you can catch it...

That's right - farmer Asshole McBlurryface has taken a torture device, STABBED it into old Bessie the cow here, and he's siphoning off her essence of cow right into his soda. And then he's drinking cow-blood soda with a stupid grin on his face, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE VERY SAME COW! That's messed up, Beefdrinker. 

Also, there's floaties in this one. But upon reading the ingredients, there does not seem to be any actual meat in there. So what's floating around in my bottle? Could it be the yucca exact? The 40g of carbohydrates? Let's be honest here - It's probably congealed cow blood.

Alright well, I crack it open and it smells exactly like beef jerky. That's both a welcoming and terrifying relief all at once. But what does it taste like?

It tastes like sugared teriyaki sauce with meat paste...which is to say, it tastes like the worst thing ever. I would drink 100 creamy melon milk pops before I had another sip of this salty meat sugar water. Going on record to say this is the worst soda I've ever had. -10000 out of 5 Santa hats. Where's my mouth wash?

The 12 Days of POPmas Day 6: Looks Like Orange, Tastes Like Grape

Well...Uhm...It...Ahhhhh... Looks Like Orange....and...uh...Tastes Like Grape...

Goodnight everyone.