Summit Brewing Company: Winter Sampler

Well Happy Holidays from all of us (just me) here at Matty Mac's Beverage Shack and welcome to a special holiday edition where I'll be giving my two cents on Summit Brewing Company's Winter Sampler Pack. I went to the store today with the plan of getting a Christmas sampler pack of beers to enjoy as I start to look toward Christmas vacation. The problem is, I've already had the Sam Adams, Leinenkugel, and Blue Moon Christmas offerings in the past, and there weren't many other offerings in the holiday variety. I scoured my local Binny's in search of a rare treat to showcase to all of my fans (just me), and hidden way in the back of the cooler, like new fallen snow on a winter's morn, was the Summit Winter Sampler. Now, and this is true, when I grabbed the box and fat-guy hustled to the cash register, I really didn't bother to look at what beers were actually offered in the pack. I'm used to creatively titled and original winter ales named after classic Charles Dickens characters or full of words like fireside, snow drift and elf wang, but upon looking at the four different beers offered in this collection, I was enraged by the gall this company had in calling this a winter collection. But since I already bought it and already dusted off my Santa hat, let's Bah Humbug our way through this collection of Christmas mediocrity.

Beer #1 - Extra Pale Ale

When it's the holiday season and the stockings are hung by the chimney with care. After all the wrapping of gift cards (because I'm not creative or caring) is complete, I like to sit back and relax by the fire with a cold bottle of Summit...Extra...Pale...Ale. Yep. Pretty sure I can get this on July 4th too. Nothing says Christmas like an orange bottle with a picture of hops on it. Sigh...not even a clever joke like: HOPing you have a Merry Christmas. This is worse than nothing. Ok enough whining, let's take a sip......It's fine. Tastes like a pale ale. Nice hoppy taste and an strong (in a good way) aftertaste. Something that would be great raking leaves in September or sitting around a bonfire in July. Nothing really unique about it at all.  Taste - 3.5/5   Holiday Festiveness - 0/5

Beer #2 - India Pale Ale

Do they celebrate Christmas in India? That would be the only tie-in with Christmas in our next sampling.
Now don't get me wrong, I love IPAs. I'm what's known as a hop-head. Someone who really likes hoppy beer. And maybe one day I'll review my favorite IPAs, but today, it's all about Christmas! And this bottle is...the same, except that it's blue. Really festive Summit. (taste) It doesn't really taste like an IPA; the extra pale ale was actually more hoppy, so they failed me on both accounts. I have nothing else to say about this one; I'm going to take a break and stand under the mistletoe at the old folks home until I get someone to notice my, um, candy cane. Taste - 2/5  Holiday Festiveness - 0/5

Beer #3 - Horizon Red Ale

It's red so Christmas? NO! Of course not. It's another beer you can get anytime you want. This one is brewed with "exceptional American hops," so it must be a holiday treat even the Grinch couldn't pass up. (taste) Well, I do like the taste. It's matly, hoppy and not too overpowering. And it's red, so I'm going to just say it's a Christmas beer. Ugh, who am I kidding, I hate you Summit, and you hate Christmas!  Taste - 4/5 Holiday Festiveness - 1/5

Beer #4 - Winter Ale

What? Doth mine eyes deceive me? WINTER ALE? So what makes in a winter ale? Does the bottle give me an interesting description of how this beer was brewed with reindeer souls in the north pole? Nope. It's the same stupid bottle, but this time it's brown. Christmas brown? Well it's the closest I'm going to get to a holiday treat with this collection, so let's give it a try. It tastes like Sam Adams. That's it. No nutmeg. No Candy Cane. No carolers wassailing while I drink. This has been a disaster. I have eight beers left, and I'm going to go stand on my porch and chuck them at homeless people while I eat snicker doodles. Taste - 2/5 Holiday Festiveness - 1.5/5

 From all of us at the beverage shack (still just me), Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you and yours!

Teriyaki Soda

OK who hasn't had this thought: you're drinking an ice cold Pepsi. Sure it's good and a flavor you've come to rely on, but it could really use more Asian sauce condiment. Well my friend, do I have the beverage for you! It's Teriyaki soda brought to you by...uh...company unknown. It has a distributor on the label, but that's about it. Apparently it's one of the many "ramune" sodas popular in Japan and known for it's distinct bottle and marble-sealed glass bottles. I kinda wish I would have looked up this stuff before I tried to open the bottle earlier which, because it was such a task, I made a video just on the challenges of opening the ramune bottle. Check it out at the bottom of this review. Well, I've been screwed by China's claim to beverage deliciousness, so let's see what Japan has to offer.

Smell/First Sip:
Because I go into a lot of detail in the video, I'm going to skip my usual discussion on the appearance of the bottle. But if your someone who hates my voice and just likes my smooth typin' style, let me sum it up for you: it has a stupid marble and took me four minutes to open. Moving on...let's go in for a smell. Well, I gotta be honest, it smells like teriyaki sauce. I also gotta be honest once more - I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Let's give it a go. Ok first of all, this bottle is so stupid. I have to put my entire mouth over the giant blue thing to get to the tiny hole in the center (no dick jokes please). All the while, this dumbass marble is just jauntily rocking back and forth as I drink. I DON'T GET IT RAMUNE!!! And it's six ounces, so I'm halfway through the bottle after my first sip. But what does it taste like? As it touches your toungue it's a sweet tang, so you swallow thinking that everything is cool. Then the aftertaste hits you and all you can taste is...McNuggets. Yep. This is a soda that tastes like McNuggets. I think I'm going to go cry tears of grease for a few hours.

Overall:
I said it tastes like McNuggets. DON'T DRINK THIS!

Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray Soda

If you've been to a Panera Bread in your lifetime, chances are you've seen Dr. Brown's soda. The Black Cherry and Root Beer are fairly common flavors and quite tasty, but their most popular and rarest (oxymoron?) is the Cel-Ray soda, a soda derived from the extract of celery seeds. I did a little research, and the good doctor has been pumping out this celery flavored tonic since 1869 and was originally developed to give nutrients to immigrant children. Why not just give them some celery? Because science. Apparently this particular soda was so popular among the New York Jewish community in the 1930s that it became known as "Jewish Champagne." There's a lot of history involved in a soda based on something that only tastes good with cream cheese slathered on it. Today, unless you're in New York or Florida, you'll find it pretty hard to stumble across a bottle of Cel-Ray. But is it worth seeking out?

Appearance:

Well it's green, which...I guess...means celery. We're reminded twice that this beverage has been around since 1869, and the front features a small photo of people crossing the Brooklyn Bridge. I'm assuming in 1869. And I'm assuming it's because they had a cravin' for some cel-ray soda. It's interesting to note that it is actually made with celery seeds. Not like the peanut butter soda that blatantly lied to my face and tasted like sugary peanut water. I'm not gonna lie - I'm pretty excited to try this one.





Smell/First Sip:
I take a whiff and the two things I smell are sugar and very very faintly, celery. I don't know if this is my mind
playing tricks on me because I have celery on the brain, but it definitely had a mild celery smell. I've never typed the word "celery" this many times in one sitting in my life. Brace yourself Jewish Champagne, I'm going in. (sips). That's...interesting. It's heavily carbonated, and you can feel the bubbles on the way down your throat. I DO taste celery, and it's not an overly sweet flavor mixed in. I guess the best way to explain it would be if you blended ginger ale with celery and then took out half the sugar. Shalom!

Drinkability/Overall:
One of my favorite Gatorade flavors is Cucumber-Lime because there's a fresh vegetable hint mixed in with the fruity flavor. It's really refreshing. The same can be said for Cel-Ray Soda. It's fresh, has a hint of celery that's not overpowering, and it works as a soda. This might be my favorite (read: only good one ever) beverage I've tried on the Soda Shack thus far. So...yea...not a very funny review I guess, but thanks Dr. Brown!

                                                            "You're welcome, Matt."

Milo: Chocolate Nutritional Energy Drink

Well...this one's been in my fridge for months and it about to expire, so what the hell? It's Milo time. (Get it? Like Miller Time? Get it?). At first I thought this was a celebrity endorsed beverage by some famous soccer player named Milo, but I was terribly wrong. It's an amalgamation of different countries that you rarely hear together in a conversation. It originated in Australia in the 1930s as a powdered product, is distributed in energy drink form by the American company, Nestle, is manufactured in Malaysia, is most popular in Singapore, and was found in the Mexican section of my local grocery store. Dear God, Milo - how many cultures put their blood, sweat and tears into making this can just so a fat, white kid can make fun of it?

Appearance:
Milo is still mostly consumed around the world in its powdered form (much like Nestle Quick), but we're lucky enough here in the states to enjoy the green 8oz can of pure milk juice. The fancy can also features not famous not soccer player, Milo celebrating his huge milk drinking victory. I looked on Wikipedia to see how it was made, but it was quite literally an entire essay of information including words like hygroscopic, theobromine, and thick opaque syrup obtained from malted wheat barley. Yep. On second thought, I don't need to know how it's made. Let's drink.



Smell/First Sip:
I crack it open and DAMMIT, I forgot to shake well! If it sucks, it's on me this time. It smells a lot like Nestle Quick. And seeing as it's made from the same company, it's probably the exact same thing with caffeine. (here goes) It's quite chocolaty and is quite a bit thicker than I imagined it would be. The best thing I can compare it to would be if you leave your chocolate ice cream out in the sun and try and sip up the soupy remains. It's tasty, but I still don't feel like playing soccer.

Drinkability:
It's been around since the 30s, so who am I to judge? But I definitely think it's strangely marketed. This is a tasty chocolate drink more akin to being the awesome thing the cool kid sneaks over at a sleepover for eight year olds. When I was a kid and my friends and I would create our own energy drinks to stay up, it would usually end up tasting something like this. I certainly don't see a fit athlete swiggin' some Milo and then scoring the winning soccer goal, but who knows, maybe things are different in Singapore/Australia/Malaysia/Mexico. Who am I to say?

Overall: 
It's no thirst quencher, but I like the taste. Now that I've had my Milo, I'm off to play some soccer with the Quick Bunny and Stuart Little. Until next time friends.

Tummy Tickler: Smilin' Wolverine Head

Tummy Tickler Wolverine Apple Juice. 100% Healthy. 100% Fun. 100% NOT a good childhood role model! I mean seriously, of all the mascots the good folks at Tummy Tickler could pick to represent their wholesome childhood product, they choose Wolverine? You know what Wolverine is the best at? If you guessed beating super villains to a bloody pulp and being bloodier on an average Wednesday than John McClane in every "Die Hard" movie combined...then give yourself a bell. Just look at the image to the left. What person thought this guy should be smiling on top of a children's juice with a straw on his dumb head so children can suck away at his bloody brain knowledge? Let me read the label more here: "Apple Juice Concentrate from China." Figures.

Appearance:
To be fair, Tummy Tickler is not an exclusive Wolverine product. The company is well known for sticking a plastic straw through the heads of whatever cartoon is popular today ranging from Dora to Winnie the Pooh to Alfonso Ribeiro. It's cute. It's cheap. And like Pez Dispensers or Cracker Jacks, it gives kids a keepsake to go with their food or drink. This one claims to be 100% juice, equivalent to 3/4 a cup of fruit (good?) and weighs in at a whopping 6 oz. I'd need about six of these to quench my thirst, but then again, I'm not the target audience.

Smell/First Sip/Drinkability:

It Smells like F#(%*% Apple Juice
It Tastes like F#(%*% Apple Juice
Drinkability is F#(%*% Apple Juice




Overall:
I'm 25 years older than the target market for this product, but it was fun drinking from Wolverine's murder hole. You can always count on China to be good with the moral decisions for our youth; it's only a matter of time before they come out with Hello Kitty Beer...

Dammit China...

Vermont Maple Soda (Video)

Adam joins Matt once again for a video review of Vermont Maple Soda.

My Beverage Collection: Part Two

Previously on Matty Mac's Beverage Shack: I showed some old bottles and cans from my collection and nobody was interested.

And now the exciting conclusion!

The sprite bottle was a stocking stuffer gift from my parents several years ago. It's shaped like a Christmas ornament and pretty unique, so I held on to it. As a big fan of The Simpsons, I had to keep both the Flaming Moe's and Duff Energy drinks in my collection; the latter being a 24 pack 30th birthday gift from my friends Adam and Kristen. Both were very tasty and I recommend them to any fans of energy drinks. Next, last year, to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the NBA USA Dream Team, several beverages came out with a commemorative can of soda. My favorite basketball player was always David Robinson, so I grabbed this one up. Finally, St. Peter's Golden Ale, a gift from my brother on my golden 30th birthday. The beer itself wasn't anything amazing, but it's by far the coolest bottle design I've ever come across. Almost like a flask from a time gone by.

This batch of random beers don't really have much story to them, I just kept them because I thought they were cool. The first three were gifts from my parents one year for Christmas and I really liked the Al Capone theme to them. Next is the D-Light from the Detroit-based Atwater Brewery; it uses the old English D synonymous with the Detroit Tigers. Next is Cave Creek Chili Beer. A beer I stumbled across with my dad that featured a real chili pepper within the beer. It was awesome! Next, Chocolate Covered Maple Flavored Bacon Soda (phew) was one of the first inspirations I had to start writing about my adventures in beverage consumption. That one is followed by Gumball Head beer, my all-time favorite. Finally, I have no idea the significance of the last beer but...it looks cool.

 The next cluster of drinks are all from Two Brothers Brewery. None are particularly rare or unique (although I don't think Heavy Handed is too common), but I've just always liked their bottle designs and visited the brewery last year. Next is a custom label I ordered as part of a Christmas gift for my parents. They brewed their own beer; Tom and Sharon's Electric Brew-Galoo. Following that is Anchor Brewery 2012 Merry Christmas Ale; only significant because it was the last purchase I ever made in my twenties. Finally, the awesome Darth Vader Energy Cola. a Pepsi exclusive from Japan that my godmother got me for Christmas last year.

The final two items of note are this 7 Up bottle that I got in a random white elephant several years back. I wish I could remember who gave it to me because it's so unique and interesting. It is definitely old, and features a felt label around the bottle, but other than that - I know nothing about it. It's just a really cool addition to my collection. Then there's a knight. And finally, the Gumball Head Beer tapper that my buddy Bryan secured for me because he knew it was my favorite beer.

Well that's that...