MAYrathon 2.0 Day 27 - Yuengling Traditional Lager

I haven't really talked about beer much, but this is Matty Mac's Beverage Shack, and beer is a beverage. And this one is one of my favorites. If I had to list my top five beers, it would probably be:

1. Gumball Head

2. Yuengling

3. Jai Alai

4. Founders PC Pils

5. Cider Boys Grand Mimosa

Of the five, only Founders PC Pils is both available year round and in the region I live in. The rest are rare, especially Yuengling and Jai Alai. UNTIL TODAY! I'm in Indiana on my way to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, and I come to find out that as of April 1st, Yuengling is available in Indiana! Before then, I had to wait for my friend Erin to visit home in Ohio and pick me up a case or wait once a year when we go camping in Ohio to get some. Now people who are used to this beer probably don't get too excited about it. In the states where it's available, it's pretty much similar in marketability to Coors or Miller, so most people don't think much of it. But when it's a rare treat, it's a tasty rare treat. Originating in Pennsylvania, Yuengling is known as America's Oldest Brewery, being around since 1829. I love it. OK - back to vacation. I'll check in from North Carolina tomorrow. 

MAYrathon Day 11: Draft - Beer Flavored Jelly Beans

Here's a list of things I like: Beer. Jelly Beans. Puns. Being Proven Right. The Spice Girls. 

I'm going to eat at least two of those right now with Jelly Belly's Draft Beer flavored Jelly Beans. 

Jelly Belly is a solid product, and I've always been impressed with their ability to take such a small piece of candy and really make it taste like what it's attempting to impersonate whether it be chocolate, coffee, tutti frutti or ram's blood. And I am one of the people on the "pro" buttered popcorn flavored Jelly Belly. I love it! It is quite possibly the most polarizing flavor in the history of candy, and it's the one I seek out above all other flavors even though I'm not even a huge popcorn fan. 

But as much as I love beer and jelly beans, is it a good idea to marry the two? I assume it will either

be too sweet as it tries to emulate a jelly bean or too malty as it tries to emulate a beer. The bottle is creative though - certainly looks like a beer. And the beans themselves are pretty creative. I don't know how well it does it justice in the photo, but it's a shiny, gold color with hints of while, just like a fresh beer. On creativity alone, I give it a ten.

                                                                                        But how's the taste? 

Um..................there's certainly a beerish taste to it, but not like a beer you'd want to spend money drinking at your local bar. It's more like if someone first cracked open a cheap beer like PBR or South Paw and captured the essence right as the air was escaping from the can, mixed it with sugar and charged $5.00 for a plastic bottle with maybe fifteen beer beans. Many people have tried to perfect the beer candy and few have ever succeeded. My advice is order a beer, order some jelly beans, and ensure they never meet. Enjoy both for what they are  - completely different entities. 

Summer Detox - Turmeric and Birch Tree Juice

Well it's that time of year once again. Summer has come to an end and I need to wash away three months of bad decisions without doing any exercise or healthy eating. So I've turned to some "popular" health tonics guaranteed to make me feel like a million bucks: Organic Turmeric Drink, Organic Birch Tree Juice, and Pure, Cold Activated, Rocky Mountain Spring Water. By combining these three drinks in one sitting, I'm sure to go from sweaty schlub to...less sweaty schlub. Let's do it!

Organic Turmeric Drink: Original

I honestly have no idea what this is or what it's supposed to taste like. It's also worth noting that I got

this at a Detroit market at least two years ago, and it still doesn't expire until next October. That Turmeric is some resilient stuff. Now...I don't know what turmeric even is and I'm much too lazy to look it up, but there's a TON of information on the bottle. Let's give it a read. It starts by telling me that one bottle of this drink is roughly equal to 4500 mg of fresh turmeric based on curcumin levels. I asked my doctor how my curcimin level is currently (spellcheck doesn't even know this word), but he told me to get out of his house and stop looking at his daughter. I assume my curcumin level is pretty badass, but I could always use a boost. Then there's an entire paragraph on the bottle: "Organic Turmeric Drink - Original is a unique blend of turmeric beverage.(what?) The main ingredient of organic turmeric has healthy inflammation response and anti-oxidant properties. This yellow culinary root is widely used in southeast Asia and goes all the way back to ancient India. Turmeric can help increase the production of vital enzymes in the liver which eliminate toxins found in the body." This is EXACTLY what I need! Finally, It tells me that to promote absorption of nutrients, it includes 100 mg of black pepper extract and 50 mg of olive extract. Why? How? Why? There's no way this will taste good. I peel off the plastic, snap off the cap and give it a whiff.
I'm surprised to find it has a sweet smell. Well...let's get healthy. (first sip) This is a unique one. It tastes like green tea meets ginger ale without carbonation. It's very rooty tasting, but a lot more drinkable than I expected. It's a bright brown color and at the bottom of the glass sits a large ring of root sediment. I can already feel my raisin-sized liver growing back. That takes care of June!

Sealand Birk: Organic Birch Tree Juice (Ginger and Line)

Alright sins of July, time to wash you away too. With the most adjectives I've ever witnessed in one drink, it's Birch Tree Juice! Like the last one, it comes with a paragraph bragging about how great it is. "What is Natural Birch Juice? (I have a feeling you're about to tell me) Sealand Birk is organic juice tapped directly from the Birch tree in the early spring. The juice is a very refreshing, slightly sweet liquid, filtered through natural root system and gently pasteurized.(nice grammar, dick) The juice can be enjoyed as the natural taste (nice grammar, dick) or mixed with other natural flavors from Elder flower, Raspberry, Blueberry or Ginger/Lime."  I really wanted to try the original flavor, but I could only find the Ginger/Lime. Enough talk, let's do this BIRCHES! (get it?). I crack it open and it smells a lot like hand sanitizer. That's not a great sign. (first sip) I mean...I don't know how else to describe it other than it tastes like dirt. Sure they threw some ginger and lime flavorings in there but...it's mostly...dirt. You owe me big, liver! (bottoms up). Yea I got through about half the bottle before gagging. I'm sure that's good enough for my immune system.

Alright! I did a great job here and now I feel like I could slowly walk the mile in under 46 minutes! That'll beat my previous record by a week! Where did I put that Rocky Mountain Spring Water? I need to hydrate!

Future Wheaties Model

Summit Brewing Company: Winter Sampler

Well Happy Holidays from all of us (just me) here at Matty Mac's Beverage Shack and welcome to a special holiday edition where I'll be giving my two cents on Summit Brewing Company's Winter Sampler Pack. I went to the store today with the plan of getting a Christmas sampler pack of beers to enjoy as I start to look toward Christmas vacation. The problem is, I've already had the Sam Adams, Leinenkugel, and Blue Moon Christmas offerings in the past, and there weren't many other offerings in the holiday variety. I scoured my local Binny's in search of a rare treat to showcase to all of my fans (just me), and hidden way in the back of the cooler, like new fallen snow on a winter's morn, was the Summit Winter Sampler. Now, and this is true, when I grabbed the box and fat-guy hustled to the cash register, I really didn't bother to look at what beers were actually offered in the pack. I'm used to creatively titled and original winter ales named after classic Charles Dickens characters or full of words like fireside, snow drift and elf wang, but upon looking at the four different beers offered in this collection, I was enraged by the gall this company had in calling this a winter collection. But since I already bought it and already dusted off my Santa hat, let's Bah Humbug our way through this collection of Christmas mediocrity.

Beer #1 - Extra Pale Ale

When it's the holiday season and the stockings are hung by the chimney with care. After all the wrapping of gift cards (because I'm not creative or caring) is complete, I like to sit back and relax by the fire with a cold bottle of Summit...Extra...Pale...Ale. Yep. Pretty sure I can get this on July 4th too. Nothing says Christmas like an orange bottle with a picture of hops on it. Sigh...not even a clever joke like: HOPing you have a Merry Christmas. This is worse than nothing. Ok enough whining, let's take a sip......It's fine. Tastes like a pale ale. Nice hoppy taste and an strong (in a good way) aftertaste. Something that would be great raking leaves in September or sitting around a bonfire in July. Nothing really unique about it at all.  Taste - 3.5/5   Holiday Festiveness - 0/5

Beer #2 - India Pale Ale

Do they celebrate Christmas in India? That would be the only tie-in with Christmas in our next sampling.
Now don't get me wrong, I love IPAs. I'm what's known as a hop-head. Someone who really likes hoppy beer. And maybe one day I'll review my favorite IPAs, but today, it's all about Christmas! And this bottle is...the same, except that it's blue. Really festive Summit. (taste) It doesn't really taste like an IPA; the extra pale ale was actually more hoppy, so they failed me on both accounts. I have nothing else to say about this one; I'm going to take a break and stand under the mistletoe at the old folks home until I get someone to notice my, um, candy cane. Taste - 2/5  Holiday Festiveness - 0/5

Beer #3 - Horizon Red Ale

It's red so Christmas? NO! Of course not. It's another beer you can get anytime you want. This one is brewed with "exceptional American hops," so it must be a holiday treat even the Grinch couldn't pass up. (taste) Well, I do like the taste. It's matly, hoppy and not too overpowering. And it's red, so I'm going to just say it's a Christmas beer. Ugh, who am I kidding, I hate you Summit, and you hate Christmas!  Taste - 4/5 Holiday Festiveness - 1/5

Beer #4 - Winter Ale

What? Doth mine eyes deceive me? WINTER ALE? So what makes in a winter ale? Does the bottle give me an interesting description of how this beer was brewed with reindeer souls in the north pole? Nope. It's the same stupid bottle, but this time it's brown. Christmas brown? Well it's the closest I'm going to get to a holiday treat with this collection, so let's give it a try. It tastes like Sam Adams. That's it. No nutmeg. No Candy Cane. No carolers wassailing while I drink. This has been a disaster. I have eight beers left, and I'm going to go stand on my porch and chuck them at homeless people while I eat snicker doodles. Taste - 2/5 Holiday Festiveness - 1.5/5

 From all of us at the beverage shack (still just me), Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you and yours!

My Beverage Collection (Part One)

This post will probably be boring for most everyone, but even before starting this blog, I always wanted to write about my little collection of beverage bottles and cans. Collecting has always been in my blood. Whether it be Muppet stuff or X-Men action figures as a kid, I always had to collect. And it's never been about the money. All my bottles have been opened and enjoyed, thus making them completely worthless. But there's a charm to collecting and displaying these trinkets and oddments that I just never grew out of.

I am saddened to admit that this is my second, and much smaller collection; in college I had a massive collection of energy drink cans ranging from the common to now defunct flavors like Nelly's Pimp Juice and Whoop Ass. But being a poor college student forced me to cash them all in for the Michigan ten cent deposits so I could visit my friends at MSU and make bad decisions. But I digress...here's my current collection.

  I'm just going left to right on my cupboard shelves. Pay no attention to the Stone Cold Steve Austin cup; I don't know why that's there. The first three, Three Philosophers, Lucifer and Pranqster, were gifts from my friend Bryan on my 27th birthday. They aren't extremely rare in 12 oz bottle form, but I really like the large bottles, and the Three Philosophers is actually dated 2010, making it a special year for philosophy or something like that.

Also in 2010, Jones Soda put out a line of beverages to coincide with the Buffy the Vampire Slayer comic book. If you know anything about me, you'll know I'm a big Buffy and Muppet fan, and probably 30 and single for a reason. (single tear). These were all just variations on their already popular flavors, and some of them were really stretching to make them fit in with Buffy and her cohorts including Dawn's a Centaur Root Beer and Buffy Blue Bubble Gum. Why? I don't know, but as a Buffy geek, I'm happy to have them.

Book ended by a couple of Kermits, is an odd assortment of things. First off is Moxie, a beverage given to me by my friend Andy when he visited Vermont. This is one I hope to review when I come across a fresh can. The Kalamazoo ale I will discuss more in a moment. The Jagermeister sits there as a cautionary tale - you're only young once. I hate the stuff now. Dragonmead: Final Absolution is a Michigan beer that is really strong and one of the first Michigan micro-brews I ever tried. Next, that is sadly not a real can of Surge, but a beanbag made to look like a can. I'd give anything to try that sweet, green beverage once again! And finally, I love knock-off brand sodas, and this is a Myrtle Beach grocery store's attempt to make Mountain Dew, Mountain Lion.

When I first moved to Chicago in 2007, there was a big dispute between the city of Chicago and the popular Bell's brewery which concluded in Bell's not being able to sell their product in the city (eventually this was overruled and now you can find Bell's everywhere). To get around that law, Bell's created new beer that was only available during the Chicago ban and is no longer brewed. This particular bottle is sentimental to me because it features everywhere I've ever lived starting from left to right: Detroit (suburbs), Kalamazoo and Chicago. My life on a label.

At the risk of boring everyone to tears, I am going split this into two parts.

Blue Moon: Brewmaster's Seasonal Sampler

Chock full of adjectives making me feel like I've purchased some truly premium spirits, and at almost twenty bucks a case, it better taste like a party in my mouth. I'm used to spending eight dollars on some PBR and settling for a mild hootenanny in my mouth, so this stuff better be worth the price of admission!

Five flavors that includes the traditional Blue Moon which I won't be wasting my time reviewing since it is not unique nor interesting – it's yeasty, orangey and gives you a headache if you drink more than two...what else can I tell you?

Beer 1 – Short Straw Farmhouse Red Ale

Description on Bottle -

“An intriguing interpretation of a Farmhouse Ale blended with a Flanders Red, with hints of white pepper and a tart finish.”  

+ + = ?

The Taste -

Upon first sip, all I really tasted was a tinny rust flavor common with a lot of red ales. I gave it a few more sips and still found  the after-taste to be the most prominent feature. I didn't hate it, but I certainly didn't taste any Ned Flanders/Sweet Tart awesomeness. It's a decent beer for what it is, and would probably taste good sitting around a campfire with a hot dog or bailing hay on a farm I guess.

Overall – 2.5/5

Beer 2 – (Limited Release) Blackberry Tart Ale

Description on Bottle –

“This deep-amber colored ale is crafted with a bounty of blackberries for a hint of tartness balances with a smooth malt finish.” There's a joke somewhere there involving a bounty hunter and malt liquor, but I just don't have it right now.

The Taste -

The first sip left me wondering – where the hell are the blackberries? Blue Moon is known as being a pretty refreshing and fruity beer, so I figured an ale advertising its tartness and “bounty” of blackberries would have a crisp, fruity taste. I tried a few more sips, and while there is a subtle berry flavor, it's almost too subtle. It honestly tastes like nothing. Nothing but a shitty beer.

Overall – 0.5/5 (It only gets the 0.5 for the hilarious bounty hunter joke I have yet to make, but I'm sure it will be a knee slapper).

Beer 3 – Rounder: Belgian-Style Ale

Description on Bottle –

“Our Brewmaster's expression of a Belgian-style Pale Ale, crafted with a twist of hibiscus and orange peel for a rounder taste.” Tastes like Matt Damon's leftover oranges? What the hell's a Rounder beer? I'm sitting at my computer right now but...too lazy to look it up. I'm just going to assume it's based on this movie. 

The Taste -

Before going into the first sip, I will admit that I am not fond of Belgian beers for the most part, but I do really like Pale Ales, so this one is going to be a crap shoot. (Takes a guzzle). You know what, this is pretty good. Unlike that blackberry pile of lies, I can actually taste the orange and hibiscus and it's a really refreshing summer brew. I think I finally found a winner in this Blue Moon Pack.

Overall – 4/5 Like regular Blue Moon, it's tasty, but I can't see myself having more than two in an evening.

Beer 4 – Blue Moon: Agave Nectar Ale

Description on Bottle –

“This blonde wheat ale is crafted with agave nectar for a subtle sweetness and a balanced taste.” Man, you Blue Moon folks love using the word subtle. I've actually seen this particular beer in stores before, but have never tried it. The only thing I know about agave is that it's a main ingredient in tequila, so how can you go wrong?

The Taste -

After the first sip, I kept hoping to taste...something. I was thinking maybe a little citrus or sweetness, but just like the blackberry beer, it just tastes like nothing. If you put this beer and a regular old Miller Light in front of me, I don't know how easily I could tell the difference (that's probably an exaggeration, but you get my drift). This is one of their more popular beers so maybe I'm just crazy, but it just doesn't do anything for me.

Overall – 2/5 It's a good tasting beer, but nothing special.

So that's the Brewmaster's Summer Seasonal Collection. It wasn't the worst beers I've ever had (South Paw beer still holds that honor), but it's really nothing special and not worth almost twenty bucks for a bunch of just OK beers.

See ya next time!