MAYrathon 2.0 Day 17 - Ramune Yogurt Flavor

This is going to be a really quick one. 1. Because, in the spirit of doing one review a day, it is sometimes hard to fit it into the schedule. It’s early in the morning, I have to get to work, and I’m staying with a friend tonight, so this is really the only time I have to do one. 2. Because it’s FREAKING RAMUNE again! Apparently I can’t go a year without running into this stupid, hard to open, smiling Asian crapfactory that is Ramune. I’ve tried Kimchi. I’ve tried Teriyaki. I’ve tried Original. I’ve even tried Hello Kitty’s bloodforce. And I thought I was done. All the other flavors I have come across are just generic fruit flavors which wouldn’t make for an interesting review. And then...at the Asian Market...YOGURT flavor.

YOGURT FLAVOR???? What the hell does that mean. Traditional? Greek? Fruit on the bottom? Can yogurt actually be a flavor? Whatever, I’m going through the 600 steps to get this bottle open and finding out. And again...I have hurt my thumb trying to get it open. How is this supposed to appeal to children? Anyway, once I get the stopper to pop into the bottle so the useless marble can float around for no reason, I give it a sniff and it kinda smells like birthday cake. Not what I was expecting. Let’s dive in...As always, it’s almost impossible to get my mouth around the sixteen inch mouthpiece without gagging, and I’m left with the taste of...birthday cake. For real. It tastes like the Coldstone version of birthday cake ice cream. I guess that’s a pleasant surprise, but I have no idea why they call this yogurt flavor. It tastes about as much like yogurt as honey tastes like nylons. I swear I feel like Anthony Anderson is “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.” If I ever see a Ramune factory, I’m gonna burn this mother down!!!!!! Sigh...I guess I’ll try and find the octopus balls flavor next...yea that’s a real thing.

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 16 - Kickapoo Malibu

One of my very first reviews was that of Kickapoo Joy Juice, essentially a flatter Mountain Dew and an odd product placement for the backwoods, hillbilly-filled world of Al Cap's Li'l Abner. In the comic, two inbred poachers named Hairless Joe and Lonesome Polecat (shudder), made a delicious and mysterious elixir called Joy Juice. Let's take another look at a "hilarious" Li'l Abner comic.

Cuz it's satire?

Why would I want a shirt of this?

Since 1965, Kickapoo Joy Juice has been around and has enjoyed a mediocre run as America's favorite Hillbilly-inspired-1930s-comic strip-citrus soda. But I guess Kickapoo wanted more, because in 2014, unbeknownst to be until very recently, they dropped all the Abner tie-ins and created more flavors. Now Joy Juice was the name of one of the flavors and not the brand itself. Along with the original, Kickapoo launched Fruit Shine (sangria), Fuzzy Navel (peach) and Malibu (Pina Colada) which I hold in my hand today. I guess because Joy Juice has always been associated with moonshine, they decided to make all of their new flavors based off of mixed drinks.

The bottle here is very busy. On the front, along with the label it informs us that it is the original recipe (since 2014?), made with real sugar and is a Non-alcoholic pina colada flavored sparking drink. And on the back, along with the nutritional info it says this: "Kickapoo Malibu, another magical concoction with a unique pina colada flavor, leaves people all over the world happy and cravin' for more. So SWIG SOME SWAG and get the most out of today!" You lose points for poor grammar and the improper use of the word swag. Stop trying to be cool grandpa! The color of the soda is a very unique bright blue and it smells just like a pina colada. (tastes) It's pretty okay. SUPER sweet, and like the Joy Juice, very low carbonation. It's good for a hot day if your an alcoholic trying to ween off the good stuff, but I wouldn't go out of my way for another bottle. I guess I'll look for the other two flavors some day too.

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 15 - Hot Lips Pear Soda

We're halfway through this marathon of mayhem and my liver/stomach/soul are all still intact. Today I'm looking at a pear soda. Though the list is shrinking, I will often come across a soda or juice flavor and wonder to myself if I've ever had it in soda/juice form. Plum and Watermelon are good, more recent examples. Pear first that category. I've had pear ciders before, but I don't know if I've ever had a pear pop. My opinion on pears are as follows: "Sure." I've never been excited nor disappointed coming across a pear. It exists and it's pretty OK. Much like Dominos Pizza. No one LOVES Dominos, but when it's around, sure, I'll have a slice.

This is another that's been in the fridge for awhile, and what I didn't notice until now is that it is a "Real Fruit Soda. All Natural. No Sugar Added. Lightly Sparkling." Pretty interesting that my first pear soda will come from an ACTUAL pear and not sugar and chemicals. This drink comes to us via the Hot Lips Soda Company out of Portland, Oregon. It's primarily a popular pizza chain in the area since 1984 but has been selling sodas recently as well. Here's what the bottle says: "Each delicious refreshing bottle of Hot Lips begins with fresh fruit picked at its peak from family farms in the Pacific NW. Delicately sweet with a floral and fruity aroma, our all-natural PEAR is light and balanced with soft, smooth bubbles." And the ingredients are simply: NW grown pears, NW pear juice concentrate, filtered sparking water, organic lemon juice and vanilla. I gotta say, I wasn't too excited to try a pear soda, but a natural soda with no added sugar? Could this be the soda alternative I need when my doctor smacks me in the face? Let's find out...

My one worry is because this is "organic" and it's been sitting in my fridge for a long time - is it safe to drink? Too late now, I've already opened this bottle! Definitely a pear smell. It smells like a pear pie which is weird because pear pies don't exist because you'd be thrown out of the family will for inventing such a thing. But if you made an apple pie and replaced the goodness with lame pears, that's what it smells like. (swig). Well if there every was any carbonation - it may have fizzled out with age because this is essentially pear juice. There's no bubbles at all. It's sweet, especially for having no additional sugars added, and very fresh. I think a fresher bottle would have tasted a little better as there's a bit of a fermentation aftertaste here - almost like a cider or mead. Not bad tough - I'd search for Hot Lips again...but she moved when I was in 9th grade and have no idea where she went...

I stand corrected...

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 14 - Melba's Fixins Coffee Cake Soda

Happy Mother's Day Everyone!

If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that Lester of Lester's Fixins soda line is a maniac. Lester, working under the scrutiny of Rocket Fizz, has made such "memorable" flavors as Buffalo Wing, Sweet Corn, Coffee, Maple Syrup and the only soda to have ever made me throw up - Ranch Dressing. Lester has become an internet icon with all sorts of Youtubers trying and critiquing his weird concoctions. Check out this video to see what I mean:

But apparently the old miser Lester actually has a wife who is also in the soda creating business, Melba. But Melba is not out to destroy taste buds and souls like Lester, no, her mission is to take some of the most famous desserts and turn them into a bubbly, fizzy drink to be loved by all. I've come across Melba's drinks before, but this would be my first time trying one. With a tempting sounding lineup such as Key Lime Pie, Apple Pie, Birthday Cake and others, I was drawn to coffee cake as I've certainly never had a liquid for of one of my favorite pastries. 

The label is pretty generic and there are definitely no actual dessert ingredients except for sugar and caramel coloring. Like Lester's, the tagline: "Y'all Get Yer Fixins!" is affixed to the front of the label. The liquid inside appears to a light brown like the time I had a gingerbread soda. Upon opening the bottle and giving it a sniff, there is definitely an overwhelming scent of sweet dessert pastry. I don't know if I would say it's EXACTLY coffee cake, but it's pretty darn close. OK, down the hatch - Wow that's crazy! Again, I don't know if I'm tasting 100% coffee cake, but it's definitely a pastry or donuts flavored soda. There's sugar, icing, caramel and cake flavorings - it's delicious. Unlike dumb ass Lester, I will for sure be on the lookout for the rest of Melba's Fixins!  

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 13 - PayDay Candy Bar with BBQ Sauce?

This will be a quick one, as I’m home in Michigan to celebrate Mother’s Day. This one was also not on the original schedule, but I happened by it at my grocery store a few days ago and HAD to pick it up. A BBQ sauce flavored candy bar? And this isn’t from some crazy yokels like the folks that made Not See Kola. This is a Hershey's product!

If you’ve never seen or heard of a PayDay before, it’s essentially a nougat log with roasted peanuts glued on using caramel. It’s pretty ok. I don’t think anyone has ever said it’s their favorite candy, but it’s edible. So why mess with what works and add BBQ sauce flavor? Apparently it’s part of Hershey’s new Flavors of America campaign which also includes a New York Cheesecake Hershey bar, a California Strawberry Kit-Kat and Hawaiian Coconut Hershey Kisses. Those all sound awesome, but I still can’t wrap my head around BBQ candy. Let’s give it a go.

The smell is undeniably peanuts and BBQ sauce. It’s still mainly a nougat bar, but the peanuts are dusted with red and orange spices. Let’s see what it taste like. I...I don’t know what to say. Let me try and explain the taste process as I’m chewing. “Gross...hmmm not bad...I like this...oops now it’s gross again...I’m going in for another bite.” And then the process repeats itself until the candy is gone and I’m in the fetal position ranting about the San Antonio Spurs. Definitely one of the strangest candies I’ve ever tried, but in a weird way, it almost works. I’m so confused…  

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 12 - Double Cola

Since I’m on a cola kick after trying King Kong Cola, I may as well go for broke with Double Cola. I mentioned earlier in the month that during this MAYrathon, I would be able to cross a few classic sodas off of my list that I’ve always wanted to try which brings us to Double Cola. Now while I said in my last review that all colas either taste like Coke/Pepsi or taste like ass, I have high hopes for this one as it has been around since 1933. I’ve known about the brand for a long time, and only recently learned that they also manufacture Ski soda, which I tried for the first time in April. I’m always fascinated by products that have lasted generations. I like to picture my great grandfather sitting around the kitchen and listening to Green Hornet on the radio while swigging a Double Cola. I just love that nostalgic feel.

So what’s the history of Double Cola? It’s long and boring, but here’s a few highlights.Run On Sentence Award Winner:  Charles D. Little founded the Good Grape Company in 1922 and produced a grape soda which later became the Marvel (No Iron Man sadly) Cola company which produced a purple soda called Jumbo which eventually took out the purple and became Double Cola (named so because it was 12 oz as opposed to the typical 6 oz sodas common at the time) which then in 1933 becomes the Seminole Flavor Company which then, in 1953 change their name to the Double Cola company based on the beverage that has become their flagship soda which then begins to own more regional soda flavors including Ski and their own Diet Double Cola which then changes ownership several times throughout the decades which then, while still a regional favorite mainly east of the Mississippi, has continued to be a local favorite and thrive since the early 30s. RUN ON SENTENCE FTW!!!!

So let’s get onto trying this bad boy. And like I said, unlike typical colas, I am excited to see what this one takes like. The bottle is a classic 12 oz glass with “Drink Double Cola” printed on the front and also informing us that it is Pure Cane Sugar Since 1933. Other than that, just the standard nutritional facts, website and vague ingredients. I break open the bottle (like a sexy wolverine) and it definitely has that typical cola scent, but it has a vague Pepsi smell which could be a good thing. Chug time - I hate to say it, but this tastes like freaking RC Cola. Yea...it’s pretty much RC Cola. Which sucks because RC Cola sucks. I had high hopes for this but I’m left feeling like my senior year homecoming when my date left with a taller, blonder man and I went bowling...Good times! I need a Surge.

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 11 - King Kong Cola

Son of a...this jerk again. Homeboy is trying to Single White Female me!

So today we have King Kong Cola. Why? I don't know, but I'm sure it has something to do with the new Skull Island movie coming out. It's a cool looking bottle and besides the photo and a brief mention of King Kong being a trademark, the bottle itself is otherwise pretty nondescript. It's from Rocket Fizz, and they make a few varieties of cola which I've never had, so I wonder if they're all just from the same batch with a fancy new sticker on it. There's little info online about this one. Even the Rocket Fizz website just shows a picture of the bottle and says, "Great Monster Flavor." That's it.

How to make RC Cola

There's a reason I pretty much never do cola reviews (even though I have another one lined up this month). Actually there's two reasons. 1. I'm not a huge cola fan. I like Coke Zero and Pepsi. I can tolerate Coke. I hate Diet Coke. RC Cola is Satan's fartbox. So whenever I am on the lookout for obscure sodas, cola ranks up there as being about as weird as rain in Seattle. 2. All colas have three distinct flavors. Coke. Pepsi. Not Coke or Pepsi. Seriously, every generic cola I've ever had, including Shaq Backsweat flavored RC Cola...sucks! I've never found one I like. But I admit the celebrity tie-in with ole' Konger was enough to intrigue me enough to pick it up and throw it into my cart. Let's see what we got.

As expected, it has a generic cola smell to it. It's unmistakable. Like every single not Coke or Pepsi I have ever tried. Let's hope the taste is at least tolerable...it's fine. Mild. Cola. Not as bad as RC, but definitely just a run-of-the-mill cola. I'd put it a step above generic grocery store cola, but not by much. I bet Jeff Bridges would like it.