MAYrathon 2.0 Day 14 - Melba's Fixins Coffee Cake Soda

Happy Mother's Day Everyone!

If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that Lester of Lester's Fixins soda line is a maniac. Lester, working under the scrutiny of Rocket Fizz, has made such "memorable" flavors as Buffalo Wing, Sweet Corn, Coffee, Maple Syrup and the only soda to have ever made me throw up - Ranch Dressing. Lester has become an internet icon with all sorts of Youtubers trying and critiquing his weird concoctions. Check out this video to see what I mean:

But apparently the old miser Lester actually has a wife who is also in the soda creating business, Melba. But Melba is not out to destroy taste buds and souls like Lester, no, her mission is to take some of the most famous desserts and turn them into a bubbly, fizzy drink to be loved by all. I've come across Melba's drinks before, but this would be my first time trying one. With a tempting sounding lineup such as Key Lime Pie, Apple Pie, Birthday Cake and others, I was drawn to coffee cake as I've certainly never had a liquid for of one of my favorite pastries. 

The label is pretty generic and there are definitely no actual dessert ingredients except for sugar and caramel coloring. Like Lester's, the tagline: "Y'all Get Yer Fixins!" is affixed to the front of the label. The liquid inside appears to a light brown like the time I had a gingerbread soda. Upon opening the bottle and giving it a sniff, there is definitely an overwhelming scent of sweet dessert pastry. I don't know if I would say it's EXACTLY coffee cake, but it's pretty darn close. OK, down the hatch - Wow that's crazy! Again, I don't know if I'm tasting 100% coffee cake, but it's definitely a pastry or donuts flavored soda. There's sugar, icing, caramel and cake flavorings - it's delicious. Unlike dumb ass Lester, I will for sure be on the lookout for the rest of Melba's Fixins!  

Cake Sodas

You know what they say, "you can have your cake and DRINK it too." Yay! Starting with a terrible joke/pun for this review. Well...goodnight folks!

Oh, I should probably try the sodas too. Today I have two sodas based on cake. One I feel like is going to be awesome, while the other one scares the crap out of me. Let's go with the, hopefully, tasty one first.

Jones: Birthday Cake Soda
I've said this many times before - Jones Soda has never done me wrong. Never. I've already reviewed PB&J and Pumpkin Pie flavors and they tasted exactly like what they claimed to be. Even their weird holiday flavors from the past like Turkey and Mashed Potatoes did indeed live up to the hype. So I feel like I know what I'm getting myself into here, and I'm excited. You may notice I have two in the photo above. Well one is for consuming, while the other is to live forever on display because it is the greatest photo of all time. It's my best friend's marching band photo from high school, and I've been obsessed with it since I took it from his room before he left for college fifteen years ago. I still have the original copy on my fridge and it's just the greatest, nerdiest photo of all time. For his birthday this summer, I made him personalized Jones Soda with that photo on it, but I had one stipulation that I got to keep one bottle. I spend hours per day worshiping and mocking that saxophone playing, goofy faced bastard.

But now onto the one I'll drink! There's a cute photo of a hedgehog next to a cupcake, and Jones informs us that it's their official 20th birthday; they've been independent since '96. Good for you, Jones. Ingredients has the standard artificial flavors, sodium benzoate, and INVERTED cane sugar. This soda's got an innie. (how do you spell that)? I'm excited to try it, so lets go, toot sweet. Twist open the bottle and to my delight, it smells just like a cake. The inside of the cap also informs me that I should, "drive more slowly." But if I want to write a blog while going 90 in front of a daycare, then you can't stop me, Jones! BAHAHAHAHA. And the taste is......CAKE! More specifically vanilla icing and frosting. Even the aftertaste is distinctly cake. I really recommend you all seek this one out. If you love Cold Stone's cake flavored ice cream, or...just...like...cake, then you'll love this. Huzzah for Jones!

Abita - King Cake Soda

Come again now? King Cake Soda? What the hell is a king cake? The picture on the bottle looks like a snake's head was cut off and served on a platter made with "pure Louisiana Cane Sugar." I did some Google Image searching and it looks like Oompa Loompa fecal surprise with beads from...well never mind where they came from. Almost every photo also seems too have a little naked baby hidden in the cake. What...the...hell? This comes to us from the Abita Brewing Company in Louisiana. They're most known for their popular line of beers such as Abita Gold and Purple Haze. Let's see what their official website has to say about King Cake Soda. "All the goodness of King Cake - in an all-natural soda. Celebrate the sweetest treat of Carnival season with the flavors of frosting, candied sugar and cinnamon dough in this lightly carbonated soda. Made with pure Louisiana cane sugar and artesian spring water, and naturally caffeine-free."

Am I supposed to know what this cake is? The description makes me feel like I'm supposed to know what this is. This soda, which also claims to be gluten free contains actual cinnamon as one of the ingredients. But you know what, naked-baby-fecal-wonka-bead cake is too weird for me. Oh, I'll drink it, but I am not putting an ounce of research into what this cake actually is or why it's associated with a naked baby. I am going to spend the rest of my life being ignorant to what this cake actually is. If anyone ever tries to tell me about it, I will run (ok...waddle at mediocre speeds) in the other direction. I shall NEVER taste a king cake so long as I live!

So, let's taste some king cake soda. It smells like a mix between a churro and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. And it tastes like cinnamon and butter. (glug) Very sweet, but not artificial tasting. It has a true dessert taste to it. I'm pleasantly surprised by this. If you've ever wanted to blend some cinnamon toast and a stick of butter, than this is the treat for you. And no naked babies in the soda version of King Cake!

Never Forget...

MAYrathon Day 12: Strawberry Shortcake Soda

One of the hardest things I've found in doing this month-long marathon of bizarre is trying to be creative and interesting after a long day at work. As I'm writing this, it's 9:30 PM and I just got home after starting my day at 6:30 AM. I'm not complaining - I love my job and I love doing this for the five people and my mom that think I'm funny. Rather, this soda ties into memories I have of going to the local diner or Big Boy with friends after a long day at work and unwinding with a few laughs, good company and a some type of fatty dessert to wash down the day. I wanted to save this one for a day when my body was aching, my voice was turning hoarse and my eyes were wanting nothing more than to close. "Waitress, I'll take the Blue Plate Special please!"

Tonight, I'm taking a look at a soda inspired by those late night diners - strawberry shortcake soda. This comes from the Orca Beverage Company, and there's not a ton of information online about the company, but apparently it's a line of "retro" sodas made to taste like classic desserts. Other flavors include Blackberry Cobbler, Peach Cobbler and Red Velvet Cake. I'd certainly be interested in trying those too somewhere down the line, but today we will focus on strawberry shortcake. Something odd about me - although I love soda (obviously), and strawberry sodas are probably my favorite flavor, I've never had much of a sweet tooth. I've never really been a huge dessert guy despite what my outward appearance might make you think. I've had strawberry shortcake before and liked it from what I can remember, but I don't have a tinge of nostalgia when I think about tasting it. Even my story about unwinding at the local diner - I remember the friends, the jokes and the ambiance, but the desserts themselves didn't really matter. I just ate what everyone else was eating. However, I do believe this is my first dessert (besides pumpkin pie) based soda, so I'm curious at least.


When I open the bottle and take a sniff, I am impressed with the authenticity of the smell. I can smell fresh strawberries, pie crust and ice cream all mixed perfectly together. (gives it a guzzle). That's pretty freaking tasty. I might even say this has a more authentic dessert taste than the Pumpkin Pie soda. I really feel like I'm eating/drinking some strawberry shortcake. I would definitely get this again if I ever come across it in a store. Well that's it. Probably not my funniest or most interesting entry but...I'm tired. And shut up. I promise I'll eat something extra gross tomorrow to make up for this lackluster entry.