Season Two - A Trip to the World Market (Part One)

Well it's been roughly a year of neglect, but after a random trip to a store called World Market, where the abundance of weird sodas called to me like a siren's song, I've decided to dust off the old blog and return to what I do best/worst - trying crappy sodas for my own amusement. New year. New apartment. Same old awful jokes that would make a fourth grader roll their eyes. Welcome to Season Two!




Jones Soda's Peanut Butter and Jelly 
I grew up on Jones Soda. It was like that special treat you found at some fancy coffee shop where your parents would fork up an extra three bucks for delicious sugary treats such as Fufu Berry or Blue Bubblegum. I always had a case of Green Apple stocked in my fridge during college. Plus they were made with pure cane sugar! Which at the time meant nothing other than to slap someone's Pepsi One out of their hands for having lame high fructose corn syrup instead of the CANE! Oddly enough, this was the only offering from Jones at the World Market and by far one of the strangest. Upon reading the bottle it looks as this is a limited edition release meant to "honor the basic workhorse lunch of lunches." I took a gander at the ingredients and saw no bread, peanut butter nor jelly. However much to my delight, it includes such delicacies as...artificial flavors, potassium sorbate and calcium disodium edta. Yea! Potassium and calcium in one wholesome drink, take THAT vegetables! The liquid in the bottle has a purplish tint to it which makes me guess they're going for peanut butter and grape jelly. I crack it open and it REALLY smells just like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! OK, no more farting around; let's take a sip. (guzzle guzzle). Wow - my hat's off to you Jones Soda. This is fantastic. It's not like the time I tried peanut butter pop and it tasted like like sugared salt or the time I tried Caffeine Free diet coke and it tasted like butt-hole, no this actually tastes like the product it claims to be! I don't know if I could drink more than one without dying of a sorbate overdose, but I am impressed. It's nice to restart this blog with an actual good tasting soda for a change! Well that's it for today; join me next time as I try a twofer from Chicago's own Cicero Beverage Company.

Oh, and here's what my "fortune" under my bottle cap said. So...all you zesty ladies out there should give me a call and we'll go solve world hunger or eat a candy bar - whichever comes first.

Rocket Fizz: Peanut Butter Old Fashioned Soda

How can this go wrong? I love soda. I love peanut butter. This one should be a no-brainer. From the folks that brought me the terrible banana nut bread soda, Rocket Fizz is responsible for creating this peanut butter concoction. I don't get the "old fashioned" part of it though. Are they trying to say that back in the old soda shops of the 40s and 50s people would sit around indulging themselves in a Skippy soda? Or maybe it's supposed to remind you of a classic shake you could order at the sock hop? All I know is that I did some research on this one and NOBODY likes it. I couldn't find one positive review on it. Terrific.

Appearance:

Unlike the rest of Rocket Fizz's brands of soda, this one is pretty plain. I guess it's their attempt to make it look classic and old fashioned. It's brown like peanut butter so...that's something I guess, and it's made with pure cane sugar, 42 grams of it. And, not surprisingly, no nuts, peanuts, peanut butter, jelly, bread or any edible food product went into the making of this old-fashioned hell spawn.

Smell/First Sip:

So I was expecting an overwhelming smell of peanut butter and instead got...nothing? Not completely nothing, but it smells more like if someone was baking a peanut butter pie with their windows open...in

Cleveland. Strike two came when I poured some into a glass and instead of a thick, brown peanut buttery substance, it looked more like grapefruit juice. Time for a taste (sips). When you were a kid, did you ever try and make a sugar sandwich? I don't recommend it because it's way too sweet and stabs at your teeth. That's what this tastes like. Less peanut butter and more sugar-filled brass knuckles.

Drinkability:
I went for a few more sips and I'm actually reminded of those crappy unnamed Halloween peanut butter candies. You know, the ones that are always at the very bottom of your bag and are only eaten because it's February and your parents are threatening to throw them away. No one likes them. And no one likes this soda either. If you really hate one of your friends or family members, get this for them for Christmas, and then break the bottle over their head.

0 for 2 Rocket Fizz. You're bacon soda better be awesome.