MAYrathon 2.0 Finale - The Great Gay Dolphin Grab Bag

It's the last day of May. It's my last day of my MAYrathon. It's my last day in Myrtle Beach. I figure I would close this month out with something a little different. I shan't be drinking a weird soda and I shan't be consuming a weird food. Today, I am trying my luck at some grab bags blind bags! In my late teens and early twenties, I was obsessed with getting grab bags at the Salvation Army. I was not the target audience (it was for kids), and it almost never produced anything good, but the mystique was all too alluring. This afternoon I revisited a popular Myrtle Beach destination - The Gay Dolphin.  Hilarious name aside, it's been around since 1946 and is arguably the biggest gift shop in Myrtle Beach.  What drew me today were the grab bag items. I picked up three kid ones at $1.98 a piece (it's a clear yellow bag but wrapped in newspaper, so there's no way to tell what's really inside) and one mystery brown bag with no information other than the price - $4.98. Let's Dig in!

Toy Bag #1
You know - if I were a little kid and got all of this in a bag for under two bucks, I'd be pretty psyched! We have a heart shaped blue necklace with the 98 cent price tag still on it (already halfway to my money), a plastic pirate telescope that doesn't do shit, an awesome parachute man that I'll be chucking off my balcony tonight, a mini squirt gun, a spinning top, a Chinese finger lock, a peace sign ring, three plastic gold coins, a pair of false teeth and a nemo ripoff. Sweet first haul!


Toy Bag #2
Oh. Kinda the same, but also somehow lamer. Same spinning top. Same
false teeth. Same parachute man. shitty pirate telescope but this time it's black. Mini squirt gun but this time it's green. Nemo ripoff but this time it's a shark. Only TWO fake gold coins, and the only original item - a plastic sand timer. woo...........hoo.......?


Toy Bag #3
Son...of...a...bitch. It's an amalgamation of the first two bags but some of them have different colors. I don't know what I was expecting for $1.98, but I thought the bags would at least have some variety to them. I'm hoping the five dollar mystery bag has some real treasures!


$5.00 Mystery Bag
Yeah....obviously this was meant for girls. I got a Bling! Bling! Bling! ring
holder that looks like a pink dick, some genuine shell jewelry which is likely not genuine, a dumb yellow fake flower pin and a shitty luggage tag which I assume is supposed to be a lily pad? I have no idea. Worst $5.00 ever. I'm going to throw some parachute men off the balcony so hard. Just...so freaking hard.

By the way, this was all wrapped in newspaper, so if you don't want to know who the September Bog-Off Pageant Queen winners were in September of 2016....look away now.

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 30 - Mountain Lion (a 16 year journey)

There's something about coming full circle, and there's almost a poetry to it. Let me explain. Growing up, the family had a time share in Myrtle Beach, and we spent many adventures there during my teen years. I like Myrtle Beach so much that my friends and I decided to go there for Spring Break during our senior year of High School. The hotel was a dump and we weren't able to buy booze legally, but we made the best of it. What stands out most during that trip was two items. One was a key chain of  pig that pooped; I even made a song of it, much to the chagrin of my friends. And second, was the local Food Lion grocery store's off-brand version of Mountain Dew called Mountain Lion. I was obsessed with how stupid it is and began to notice every grocery store seemed to have their own Mountain flavored soda. We even made a commercial about it and was probably my first foray into soda reviewing. 

In my early 20s, my best friend Andy and I went to Myrtle Beach during the last year my parents had the time share. Of course, it was my destiny to once again quench my thirst with stupid Mountain Lion and make fun of goobers in camouflage in the middle of a hot beach.

Eleven years have gone by since that trip, and I haven't thought much about Myrtle Beach. Then I had a series of unfortunate events overcome me in early 2017. I was able to pick myself up, but not without a lot of moral support and time. I realized, if I wanted to move forward, I needed to take a spiritual journey of sorts. To go out on my own for awhile and just...be. I of course thought of Myrtle Beach which is where I am today. And I of course had to get me some Mountain Lion. The bottle may look different, it may now advertise its MAXIMUM taste, and even the size of the bottle is different. But it's still good old Mountain Lion. And it tastes...like a cheap Mt. Dew knockoff. But it's MY cheap Mt. Dew knockoff dammit! Thanks, Mountain Lion, for being a part of my teens, twenties and thirties. See you in six years. 

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 29 - Wink Citrus Soda

I'm in Myrtle Beach having fun right now, so this will be a super quick entry. I've experienced a lot of regional stuff on this road trip - food, beer and even soda. While walking through the local Food Lion grocery store, there was a huge display for Wink Soda. I had never even heard of such a thing.

Quick Wiki research - It's been around since 1965 and is owned by the Dr. Pepper/Snapple Group. Besides Canada, the only states it can be found in is Pennsylvania, Virginia and the Carolinas so this is definitely a regional treat. Though known as a citrus soda comparable to Squirt, Wink does actually contain real apple and orange juice. Twisting open the liter bottle and giving it a sniff, it definitely smells like Squirt or Sun Drop. Tastes pretty similar too, but with a bit of a chemical aftertaste like the butter soda had. Not bad - Now to get my pasty white ass to the beach!

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 28 - Down South (Cheerwine, Sierra Nevada, Bojangles, Cook Out)

Today, as I drove from Indiana to North Carolina, I had some southern things.

I started with lunch at Bojangles in Kentucky. I've had Bojangles once before long ago but only for breakfast. I've wanted to check out their lunch for quite some time. Upon first entering, I was reminded instantly that I was in the south. From the country music on the radio to the Jesus quotes all over the wall to the southern drawl of the local yokels who all seemed to know each other. Bojangles is mainly known for their friend chicken, so I went for the three piece meal with mac and cheese and coleslaw. The coleslaw sucked a bag of asses - it was like cubes of cabbage with no flavor. The rest; however, was quite tasty. The chicken was crispy, greasy and mouth-watering and the mac was even better than KFCs. Ironically, I didn't stop at a KFC whilst in Kentucky; maybe on the way back. And the craziest thing was that in their fountain machine was CHEERWINE! I had to double check the blog but apparently I've never talked about Cheerwine before. I'll do a separate blog on it some day, but in short, it's a regional favorite in the south. It's essentially a black cherry soda akin to Kool Aid but carbonated. It's delicious and was awesome to see it in fountain drink form.

After lots of driving, it was time for dinner where I chose another southern staple: Cook Out. Originating out of North Carolina, Cook Out is a Sonic-like fast food joint where you drive up, place your order, get it to go in a Styrofoam container and go home. It's cheap too - my meal plus a drink was less than six bucks. I went with the pulled pork sandwich with hush puppies and slaw. Once again, the slaw sucked. I thought coleslaw was big in the south but thus far it's been a disappointment. The hush puppies were great! The sandwich itself was ok. It included coleslaw within the sandwich and instead of being smothered in bbq sauce, it was plain w/ sauce on top. Meh. It was fine I guess.

I also made a trip to the Sierra Nevada Brewery which was huge! I picked up some brewery exclusive items which I will enjoy........now.

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 27 - Yuengling Traditional Lager

I haven't really talked about beer much, but this is Matty Mac's Beverage Shack, and beer is a beverage. And this one is one of my favorites. If I had to list my top five beers, it would probably be:

1. Gumball Head

2. Yuengling

3. Jai Alai

4. Founders PC Pils

5. Cider Boys Grand Mimosa

Of the five, only Founders PC Pils is both available year round and in the region I live in. The rest are rare, especially Yuengling and Jai Alai. UNTIL TODAY! I'm in Indiana on my way to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, and I come to find out that as of April 1st, Yuengling is available in Indiana! Before then, I had to wait for my friend Erin to visit home in Ohio and pick me up a case or wait once a year when we go camping in Ohio to get some. Now people who are used to this beer probably don't get too excited about it. In the states where it's available, it's pretty much similar in marketability to Coors or Miller, so most people don't think much of it. But when it's a rare treat, it's a tasty rare treat. Originating in Pennsylvania, Yuengling is known as America's Oldest Brewery, being around since 1829. I love it. OK - back to vacation. I'll check in from North Carolina tomorrow. 

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 26 - Ale-8-one

Ale-8-One. Or Ale-81. Or Ale-8. Or A-Late-One. Whatever you call it, this is one of the last few sodas on my must try mental list. This is just one of those pops I've seen throughout the years but have never tried it to the best of my knowledge. And I can see why too - until recently, it was only a regional soda based out of Kentucky until in 2016, when Cracker Barrel started selling it in their fountain machines. Since then, it's gained popularity far and wide, and while still only really distributed in the Kentucky area, it's pretty easy to find.

Ale-8-One is essentially a caffeinated ginger ale soda with citrus. Apparently the recipe is a highly guarded secret with only two living people aware of its composition. The back of the bottle comes with a little story too. Let's read: "Ale-8-One has been a Kentucky favorite since G.L. Wainscott blended the first batch in 1926. The name Ale-8-One or "A Late One" was adopted to describe the latest thing in soft drinks. Today, our unique mix of ginger and fruit is still made using the same secret recipe handed down from Mr. Wainscott." Kentucky locals, when done breedin' sheep and shuckin' corn, are known to mix it with local bourbons (Kentucky Cocktail) or vodka (Tender Lovin'). 

As I said, I'm genuinely excited for this one. I twist off the bottle and it's a shocking combination of both Mountain Dew and ginger ale. Both senses are prevalent and there's no denying that's what I smell. I never thought to mix those two flavors together, but maybe Kentucky is onto something here. Let's see...I'm surprised how much Mountain Dew flavor I get out of this. And not like some grocery store knock-off or Mello-Yello, this is straight up Mountain Dew with a bit of ginger. If you're a fan of Doing the Dew, then I would recommend giving this one  a shot. I am not disappointed in the least! 

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 25 - Rocket Piss Bitterscotch Soda

I'm not feeling this one. I feel like they're trying too hard to be cool and clever, but of course, the label did intrigue me enough to shell out my hard earned cash, so here I sit. This is Rocket Piss - Bitterscotch Soda. Amazingly, NOT a product of Rocket Fizz - that would make too much sense. This comes to us from the Real Soda Company, essentially the red-headed stepchild of Rocket Fizz. I've had a headache all day today and aren't feeling too creative, so I'm just going to dive right in here.

The liquid is, of course, a pee yellow color, and the picture on the label appears to be an alien fish pissing from his mouth in a rainbow arc into a champagne glass with the planet Saturn looks on in disgust. I can't make this up. It also says: "Bitter Butterscotch Soda that Glows in the Dark." Spoiler: It doesn't. I tried all the tried and true techniques to make something glow but to no avail. Finally, printed on the glass label, it says: "Get Pissed." I intend to, Real Soda...I intend to. Open up the bottle and it really has no smell at all. Not even a subtle one. Drink time. Truth in advertising - it's a butterscotch soda but bitter. But why? No one would actually like this piss. Who wants to drink something bitter? Or named after urine? Besides me of course...sigh...

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 24 - Attap Fruit in Syrup

I always feel like some day, I'm going to run out of fruit flavors. Some park ranger is going to knock on my door and inform me that I have, indeed, tried every fruit ever. Then I will go retire in Alaska, knock up some hot Eskimo chicks and call it a life. But today's not that day, for I have - Attap Fruit?

Coming to us from Thailand, this is definitely something I've never heard of before and it's not exactly a fruit, or maybe it is? I don't know - it gets really complicated. Attap fruit in its maturity is called the Nipa Palm, populated in the Pacific and Indian Ocean areas. They are a type of palm tree that grow is shallow, muddy waters and can grow to around 30 feet high. The most common use of this plant is not to eat but to make thatching for roofs and buildings, feed its sap to pigs and made into smoking tobacco. Sounds delicious. So how do you eat it? Wikipedia says: "Attap chee (Chinese: 亞答子; pinyin: yà dá zǐ) (chee meaning "seed" in several Chinese dialects) is a name for the immature fruits—sweet, translucent, gelatinous balls used as a dessert ingredient in Thailand, Malaysia, the Philippines, and Singapore."

Well I better break out the can opener because I'm hankering for some gelatinous balls! The opened can is overflowing with syrup, which I'll have to give a taste to as well. I'm going to try and get a few of these white bally things on my fork for a picture. They're odorless, very translucent and blobby. I'm going in for a taste - it's indescribable really. The syrup is thick, not like a fruit cocktail juicy syrup, but almost like a gel. The taste is very slimy and chewy at the same time. It's a bit like a soggy pear chunk or a very, very unripe mango maybe. I don't know - I can see why this isn't an extremely popular fruit. I'm gonna taste a little of the syrup. Thick. Tasteless. Gross. Sorry starving children, this can is going down the garbage disposal.

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 23 - Pepsi Fire

We interrupt our regularly scheduled review where I was going to eat some shitty canned fruit from Thailand to bring you - Pepsi Fire! This one has been on the rumor mill market for weeks now, and I've been keeping my eyes peeled. Today I happened across a 12 pack and had to buy one. If you're a soda freak like me, act fast because Pepsi is only planning to keep it around until the end of June. Which sucks if I end up liking it. But that's Pepsi's M.O., besides the reliable classics, Pepsi will release something new and/or strange, keep it on the market for a bit and then take it away forever. After a humble resurgence, Crystal Pepsi is once again all but a memory. If you look up failed Pepsi products online, there's a crazy long list. Let's take a look at the TOP 5 FAILED PEPSI PRODUCTS:

1. For about a year, Pepsi decided to compete with coffee and came out with Pepsi AM. It was in 1989, so I have no memory of it, and I don't know if it was just Pepsi with a new name or a new formula, but either way, the coffee folk weren't having it.

2. I was very much a fan of Pepsi Next, Pepsi's attempt to dethrone Coke Zero. Paradise Mango was probably my favorite cola soda flavor ever. And then Pepsi just took it off the shelves for reasons unknown.

Remember this one? It came around during Christmas from 2004-2006, but no one cared.

Marketed to the early 2000s rapcore fans with expensive Papa Roach videos, this one never caught on and I doubt many people remember it today.

And...Oh Yea...this ALREADY EXISTED.

That's my biggest issue with this drink. What if I love it? I know, like everything else, it'll be gone sooner than later. Well I have a brand new 2017 Pepsi Fire can in front of me right now, and it's time to see if the gimmick machine has another hit or miss on their hands. The cola, which claims to have natural and artificial cinnamon flavors smells like a regular Pepsi. I'm not getting anything different scent-wise. A couple of gulps in, and yes, I'm a fan. It is exactly what would happen if you dropped an atomic fireball candy into a Pepsi. It's not hot or spicy in any way; but just a smooth, refreshing cinnamon cola. Whisky drinkers - pour a little JD in the can - you won't be disappointed. 

MAYrathon Day 22 - San Francisco Fog Soda

This one is definitely the oldest that I have in my fridge and probably the one I have the least to say about really. I bought this at the same time I tried the grass and dirt sodas which was probably about a year ago. I was going to do some type of Captain Planet elements theme soda marathon, but I got too lazy and threw this one in the back of the fridge for a rainy (or foggy) day. 

Like I said, I don't have a ton to say about this one. I've never been to San Francisco, but I know it's pretty foggy, so...truth in advertising I guess. This is another from Rocket Fizz, and true to their typical form, there's little information given. They did a good job of making the clearish liquid look foggy. It's like sprite but denser. The bottle has a picture of the famous bridge (Old Ben?) and at the bottom tells me to, "Drink Fog." Generic soda ingredients, but the only one that caught my eye is caramel color. That's used in sodas like Dr. Pepper to give it more of a brown texture. But this soda is borderline clear. I'm not sure why that was used. (Old Ben?)

As is typical with Rocket Fizz, it doesn't really say what the flavor is supposed to be, so I guess it's once again up to me to figure it out. Upon opening it and giving it a sniff, it smells like sweetened chemicals. At first, there's a nice scent like the stuff they used to make their marshmallow soda, but immediately after, I'm attacked with a whiff of metallic chemicals. I wonder if it's because it's expired? Oh well, ever onward! (sips). I think this IS the marshmallow soda but with some extra metal. It tastes like marshmallows on the front and the same metal taste on the back that the butter soda had. Weird. I'm gonna just dump this one out. It's almost summer, and I don't want to spend tomorrow vomiting fog particles all over.

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 21 - Ri-Chee Milk Flavor Crunch Snack

Flavors. It's what makes the world unique. If it weren't for flavors, we'd all be drinking water and eating kale and probably living to a fit and trim 110 years of age on average. But we as as species are an indulgent folk, and we love flavors. Your favorite soda? Your favorite beer? Your favorite pizza topping. It's all a personal taste based on its...well...taste. We all enjoy different flavors, and I for one have experienced a ton of them. From crickets to scorpions and teriyaki soda to ox tail soup, I've tasted my fair share of tastes and flavors. But there's one that feels like it should be left alone. One particular flavor that is so unique and yet so normal, that the formula need not be messed with. But today, we cross that path and look at Ri-Chee - a milk flavored snack.

Milk has always been the quintessential - it exists and it's ok drink. While people have spent years adding to it with flavors like chocolate, banana and even marshmallow peeps, I've never seen a food that is meant to taste like milk. What does that even mean? This Philippines snack comes to us from the Nutri Snack company, and here's what it claims on the back: "The only milk you can eat! Imagine your milk as a crunch snack and voila! You have Ri-Chee crunchy snack! It's the crunchy snack you'll enjoy eating with almost the same goodness of your everyday milk, only more delicious!" First of all, Are you really going to introduce the concept of "voila!" to the Philippines? And second, I love that it says ALMOST the same goodness; it's basically saying, "why aren't you just drinking a milk, douche?"

Let's check this bag out. Milk powder is the fifth ingredient along with sugar, coconut, butter, flout and some random chemicals. I bust open the bag, and it's weird to say it, but it smells like milk. I'm actually a little surprised at that. I pop a few in my mouth and I'm at first surprised how sweet it is. I was expecting more of a chip, but this tastes a lot more like a sweetened cereal. It actually tastes just like KIX cereal which I haven't had in ages. I'm shocked how much I like this. It doesn't taste like milk per se, but that may actually be a good thing overall.

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 20 - Pac-Man Power Up Energy Drink

Really quick one today. I am off to the casino with my brother and need to get a little caffeine boost before hitting the road. Which brings me to today's drink - Pac-Man Power Up Energy Drink. Now I've seen, and tasted, a few of these video game celebrity endorsed drinks before. There's Sonic, Mario, Street Fighter, Donkey Kong, etc. And they all come from the same company - The Boston American Corp. I have a feeling they all taste the same too. Like a generic Red Bull most likely.

Well let's get right to it cuz I gotta get on the road. I crack it open and, yep, it smells like a generic red bull. Taste? Energy Drink flavor. That's all I can describe it as. It's an easily crushable 8 oz can and it's not awful, but nothing exciting. People buy these kinds of products because of the celebrity and not the taste. Just ask Hulk Hogan and his Pastamania.

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 19 - Mc Col?

Not really sure what to expect with this one. This is Mc Col, a South Korean Barley Flavored Carbonated Drink. Huh? While I am a fan of beer, my experience with barley in general has not been good. I had one of those Malta Goya drinks once that seem to be popular in Latino cultures, and I thought it was just awful. Even more recently, I had some stupid marmite and wanted to chop off my tongue. So barley and I don't have the greatest track record, but I'm certainly up to the challenge, especially since this pop is pretty much my last name.

According to this guy, I'm sure to love it!

There's not a ton of info online about this soda, but it's apparently Korea's first barley soda, and is often used as an O'Doul's type non-alcoholic alternative to beer. It's described by some as crisp and refreshing while others refer to it as bitter, sour and...fuzzy? And everything I've read on it points to the fact that people love it...eventually. It's an acquired taste that you have to get used to I guess. The 1.5 liter bottle is massive and includes both Korean and English wording. For reasons unknown, their tagline seems to be - "Spark Up!" I don't know if that's just lost in translation or means something different in Korean, but I don't plan to roll this up in a dubester and smoke it outside the Walgreen's. I want to drink it. Ingredients are simply: water, fructose, sugar, carbon dioxide, citric acid, barley extract and natural lemon lime flavor.

Alright, I'm going to try and go for a swig of this massive bottle without cramping up or spilling it on my computer. The smell is none too pleasing. It's essentially dirt. I can smell a little barley, but it's overall just a dirty, rustic smell. Let's go in for a drink...it's...weird. The front end of the taste is Dr. Pepper while the aftertaste is barley, grains and lemons. It's a little like if someone dropped a dollop of marmite into a bottle of Dr. Pepper. Weird. I guess I don't hate it, but I don't think I'll ever look for it again. You get a passing grade, Mc Col, but just barley...I mean BARELY. AHAHAHAHA. 

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 18 - Haepyo Fish Meat Sausage with Cheese

This one is so weird and visual that I'm going to attempt a review using only pictures and captions.

This is Fish Meat Sausage with Cheese. Not JUST a name for a 90s ska band.

Delicious ingredients include frozen surimi, cheddar cheese, cheese flavoring oil, seasoning liquid and fiber gel. YUM!

Take them out of the plastic jar and you see white, globulous sticks encased in plastic and sealed with metal.

gourmet!

The human flesh color really makes it pop

I take a bite and it tastes and smells like old fish sticks dipped in cheese wiz. It sucks.

But as an added bonus, if you manage to digest all 12 of these cheese-meats, you get to convert the jar into a piggy bank. Worth it!

Just terrible...