The Twelve Days of POPmas Day 7: Clearly Canadian Wild Cherry

Originally I was planning to pack my bags and head to Lebanon's Soda Country, but an unexpected nostalgic surprise awaited me when I got to my desk this morning. Thanks to my friend Kristin, I was gifted an authentic 2016 bottle of Clearly Freakin' Canadian!!! Much to say about this later, but since we're staying in North American for the day, let's talk Christmas in Canada, eh?

Just here to borrow some milk...and your eye juices.

In most ways, Canada is just like America. Founded by mixing different European cultures and languages, Canadians have their roots based off of borrowed traditions. The only real difference is that our ancestors landed here and said, "this is pretty sweet," but the future Canadian settlers decided it just wasn't cold and Moosey enough and there wasn't a Labatt's in sight, so they kept traveling north until they couldn't feel happiness or their toes. Christmas in Canada is pretty much identical to our Christmas in every way. Except in Newfoundland, where they have a creepy Christmas tradition that, thankfully hasn't made its way south of the border yet. On the days leading up to Christmas, townspeople dress in nightmare-inducing masks and go from house to house making loud noises and generally being a nuisance. The only way they will stop is if the homeowners recognize the ne'er-do-wells at their door. If they guess right, the creep takes off his mask and rewards the confused and frightened families with candy. I am not making any of this up. This is not a horror movie; it's Canada! 

Clearly Canadian! How did this one get away from me? I like to think I have my finger on the pulse of nostalgia, 90s, and soda, but I did not know this classic was back. I'm not even 100% sure I was aware it went away! I did a little research and apparently, due to a lot of dumb Canadian stuff, the business shut their doors for good in 2009. But it was the 90s where Clearly Canadian, and their red-headed stepchild Orbitz reigned supreme. Everyone drank the stuff! It was as popular, if not more so because it appealed to a wider audience, as Ecto Cooler. The Dawson drank it. Jerry Maguire drank it. Even those white people on Friends drank it. It was probably the first sparkling flavored water of its kind and has since birthed many imitators. And then in a silenced hush, it went away. Then, internet celebrities Rhett and Link helped sponsor a crowd funding campaign to bring it back. And it worked! Sort of. It was met with massive delays, price gouging and a lack of stock. The seven people who formed the new Clearly Canadian team were clearly in over their heads. As of December 2016, while the website is still active, Clearly Canadian is pretty much sold out everywhere, even Amazon, and there's no official word on whether or not it will return or, like Ecto Cooler and Crystal Pepsi, if this was just a 90s throwback limited time deal.

Which is why I am so excited to have a bottle in my hand today! I didn't know it went away per se, but now that I know it's back, and rare, I feel like I've won the soda lottery! I contemplated not opening it and saving it as a collector's item, but I couldn't deny my taste buds another 90s bath of goodness. It comes in the familiar glass, teardrop bottle of the 90s and I lucked out that my friend gave me my old favorite flavor, Wild Cherry. I twist open the bottle and the smell alone fills me with memories. I am a dorky fat kid playing video games and listening to Green Day all over again. As opposed to a dorky thirty-something playing video games and listening to Green Day... Let's dive in! The taste is awesome. Sparkling flavored waters of today have NOTHING on the original and best. Freaking Amazing! I am going to savor each sip while fantasizing about being the one Joey chooses over Dawson and Pacey. Five out of Five Rudolph Noses.

Vacation Edition Twofer - "Lychee Flavour" and "Milk Drink" Chinese Drinks

Well, I'm back from my Disney vacation in Florida and brought a few gems back to Chicago. For those of you who don't know about Epcot, they have what is called the World Showcase which is a representation of eleven different countries that include authentic food, drinks, decor and even employees from the country being represented. In China, I came across a beverage case and picked out two drinks that caught my eye.  

Lychee Flavour Aerated Water

The first drink that grabbed me was the lychee water. Here's my known history of lychee. I thought it was a booze, like Bacardi or Sake. On my 30th birthday, my parents got a bottle of it and we all did a celebratory drink before going to the Pistons game. I remember it tasting mildly like grapefruit, and it was quite tasty. That's all I knew. But apparently, it's a fruit/plant grown exclusively in various Asian countries. So let's see if lychee is tasty (Rhyming!).

Appearance - 

What actually drew me to this particular drink was how it looked. It's all plastic, but has the top of a soda can and the bottom of a water bottle. Pretty clever China. The bottle also depicts a picture of what I assume is a lychee. Spell check doesn't even recognize this word, so I don't know what the hell I'm getting myself into. 

Smell/First Sip - 

It smells very fresh and fruity with a floral undertone. Let's give it a sip. Not bad. It's essentially grapefruit juice without the sour afterburn. It's really fruity, and tastes more like juice than flavored water. 

Drinkability - Not much to say on this really. It's tasty. I would certainly get this again if I ever come across it, but it's pretty rare in the states and I wouldn't go out of my way to search it out. Overall - Well done, China.

"Milk Drink"

I've been kind of dreading this one. For one thing, I can find almost no information online about Mr. Smiling Asian boy, the Golden Fortune beverage company or his Milk Drink and two, it traveled around the US in a room temperature suitcase for a few days and then was re-refrigerated. It's made from milk powder (imported from New Zealand apparently), and not real dairy, so I think I'll live. If not, please call me an ambulance. On the distributor's website, it's listed in the dried foods category, not as a beverage.  

Appearance - 

The appearance is what drove me to buy this one. Look at that chubby-cheeked bastard. How could you say no to his milk drink? And I'm not just being lazy with giving you the details, that's all the can says about it - Milk Drink. I assume the Asian lettering has something to do with fat Americans and Jackie Chan.

Smell/First Sip - 

Well...it doesn't smell like milk. Not that I'm overly surprised. The best I can compare the smell to would be like a Yoo-Hoo drink. I notice the color is a little off, so I'm going to pour it into a glass before consuming

this crap. The camera really doesn't do it justice, but it's a lot darker than regular milk and with a thicker consistency. Almost like a vanilla malt form Big Boy. Here goes nothing...nope, not milk, not even close. You fail smiling Chinese boy. You just sold me a can of sweetened breast milk didn't you?

Drinkability - 
It's literally the sweetest beverage I've ever drank, and it's supposed to be milk. There's 25 grams of sugar...in this "Milk!" My teeth are actually begging for a can of coke right now to wash away the sugar! If I was able to find any info on this, I'm guessing it would say use one teaspoon when making a cake for the entire Chinese army. I hate you Milk Drink; I hate you so much.

That's it for today, coming up next, one I've been looking forward to trying for a long time - Kickapoo Joy Juice!