MAYrathon 2.0 Finale - The Great Gay Dolphin Grab Bag

It's the last day of May. It's my last day of my MAYrathon. It's my last day in Myrtle Beach. I figure I would close this month out with something a little different. I shan't be drinking a weird soda and I shan't be consuming a weird food. Today, I am trying my luck at some grab bags blind bags! In my late teens and early twenties, I was obsessed with getting grab bags at the Salvation Army. I was not the target audience (it was for kids), and it almost never produced anything good, but the mystique was all too alluring. This afternoon I revisited a popular Myrtle Beach destination - The Gay Dolphin.  Hilarious name aside, it's been around since 1946 and is arguably the biggest gift shop in Myrtle Beach.  What drew me today were the grab bag items. I picked up three kid ones at $1.98 a piece (it's a clear yellow bag but wrapped in newspaper, so there's no way to tell what's really inside) and one mystery brown bag with no information other than the price - $4.98. Let's Dig in!

Toy Bag #1
You know - if I were a little kid and got all of this in a bag for under two bucks, I'd be pretty psyched! We have a heart shaped blue necklace with the 98 cent price tag still on it (already halfway to my money), a plastic pirate telescope that doesn't do shit, an awesome parachute man that I'll be chucking off my balcony tonight, a mini squirt gun, a spinning top, a Chinese finger lock, a peace sign ring, three plastic gold coins, a pair of false teeth and a nemo ripoff. Sweet first haul!


Toy Bag #2
Oh. Kinda the same, but also somehow lamer. Same spinning top. Same
false teeth. Same parachute man. shitty pirate telescope but this time it's black. Mini squirt gun but this time it's green. Nemo ripoff but this time it's a shark. Only TWO fake gold coins, and the only original item - a plastic sand timer. woo...........hoo.......?


Toy Bag #3
Son...of...a...bitch. It's an amalgamation of the first two bags but some of them have different colors. I don't know what I was expecting for $1.98, but I thought the bags would at least have some variety to them. I'm hoping the five dollar mystery bag has some real treasures!


$5.00 Mystery Bag
Yeah....obviously this was meant for girls. I got a Bling! Bling! Bling! ring
holder that looks like a pink dick, some genuine shell jewelry which is likely not genuine, a dumb yellow fake flower pin and a shitty luggage tag which I assume is supposed to be a lily pad? I have no idea. Worst $5.00 ever. I'm going to throw some parachute men off the balcony so hard. Just...so freaking hard.

By the way, this was all wrapped in newspaper, so if you don't want to know who the September Bog-Off Pageant Queen winners were in September of 2016....look away now.

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 30 - Mountain Lion (a 16 year journey)

There's something about coming full circle, and there's almost a poetry to it. Let me explain. Growing up, the family had a time share in Myrtle Beach, and we spent many adventures there during my teen years. I like Myrtle Beach so much that my friends and I decided to go there for Spring Break during our senior year of High School. The hotel was a dump and we weren't able to buy booze legally, but we made the best of it. What stands out most during that trip was two items. One was a key chain of  pig that pooped; I even made a song of it, much to the chagrin of my friends. And second, was the local Food Lion grocery store's off-brand version of Mountain Dew called Mountain Lion. I was obsessed with how stupid it is and began to notice every grocery store seemed to have their own Mountain flavored soda. We even made a commercial about it and was probably my first foray into soda reviewing. 

In my early 20s, my best friend Andy and I went to Myrtle Beach during the last year my parents had the time share. Of course, it was my destiny to once again quench my thirst with stupid Mountain Lion and make fun of goobers in camouflage in the middle of a hot beach.

Eleven years have gone by since that trip, and I haven't thought much about Myrtle Beach. Then I had a series of unfortunate events overcome me in early 2017. I was able to pick myself up, but not without a lot of moral support and time. I realized, if I wanted to move forward, I needed to take a spiritual journey of sorts. To go out on my own for awhile and just...be. I of course thought of Myrtle Beach which is where I am today. And I of course had to get me some Mountain Lion. The bottle may look different, it may now advertise its MAXIMUM taste, and even the size of the bottle is different. But it's still good old Mountain Lion. And it tastes...like a cheap Mt. Dew knockoff. But it's MY cheap Mt. Dew knockoff dammit! Thanks, Mountain Lion, for being a part of my teens, twenties and thirties. See you in six years. 

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 29 - Wink Citrus Soda

I'm in Myrtle Beach having fun right now, so this will be a super quick entry. I've experienced a lot of regional stuff on this road trip - food, beer and even soda. While walking through the local Food Lion grocery store, there was a huge display for Wink Soda. I had never even heard of such a thing.

Quick Wiki research - It's been around since 1965 and is owned by the Dr. Pepper/Snapple Group. Besides Canada, the only states it can be found in is Pennsylvania, Virginia and the Carolinas so this is definitely a regional treat. Though known as a citrus soda comparable to Squirt, Wink does actually contain real apple and orange juice. Twisting open the liter bottle and giving it a sniff, it definitely smells like Squirt or Sun Drop. Tastes pretty similar too, but with a bit of a chemical aftertaste like the butter soda had. Not bad - Now to get my pasty white ass to the beach!

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 28 - Down South (Cheerwine, Sierra Nevada, Bojangles, Cook Out)

Today, as I drove from Indiana to North Carolina, I had some southern things.

I started with lunch at Bojangles in Kentucky. I've had Bojangles once before long ago but only for breakfast. I've wanted to check out their lunch for quite some time. Upon first entering, I was reminded instantly that I was in the south. From the country music on the radio to the Jesus quotes all over the wall to the southern drawl of the local yokels who all seemed to know each other. Bojangles is mainly known for their friend chicken, so I went for the three piece meal with mac and cheese and coleslaw. The coleslaw sucked a bag of asses - it was like cubes of cabbage with no flavor. The rest; however, was quite tasty. The chicken was crispy, greasy and mouth-watering and the mac was even better than KFCs. Ironically, I didn't stop at a KFC whilst in Kentucky; maybe on the way back. And the craziest thing was that in their fountain machine was CHEERWINE! I had to double check the blog but apparently I've never talked about Cheerwine before. I'll do a separate blog on it some day, but in short, it's a regional favorite in the south. It's essentially a black cherry soda akin to Kool Aid but carbonated. It's delicious and was awesome to see it in fountain drink form.

After lots of driving, it was time for dinner where I chose another southern staple: Cook Out. Originating out of North Carolina, Cook Out is a Sonic-like fast food joint where you drive up, place your order, get it to go in a Styrofoam container and go home. It's cheap too - my meal plus a drink was less than six bucks. I went with the pulled pork sandwich with hush puppies and slaw. Once again, the slaw sucked. I thought coleslaw was big in the south but thus far it's been a disappointment. The hush puppies were great! The sandwich itself was ok. It included coleslaw within the sandwich and instead of being smothered in bbq sauce, it was plain w/ sauce on top. Meh. It was fine I guess.

I also made a trip to the Sierra Nevada Brewery which was huge! I picked up some brewery exclusive items which I will enjoy........now.

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 27 - Yuengling Traditional Lager

I haven't really talked about beer much, but this is Matty Mac's Beverage Shack, and beer is a beverage. And this one is one of my favorites. If I had to list my top five beers, it would probably be:

1. Gumball Head

2. Yuengling

3. Jai Alai

4. Founders PC Pils

5. Cider Boys Grand Mimosa

Of the five, only Founders PC Pils is both available year round and in the region I live in. The rest are rare, especially Yuengling and Jai Alai. UNTIL TODAY! I'm in Indiana on my way to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, and I come to find out that as of April 1st, Yuengling is available in Indiana! Before then, I had to wait for my friend Erin to visit home in Ohio and pick me up a case or wait once a year when we go camping in Ohio to get some. Now people who are used to this beer probably don't get too excited about it. In the states where it's available, it's pretty much similar in marketability to Coors or Miller, so most people don't think much of it. But when it's a rare treat, it's a tasty rare treat. Originating in Pennsylvania, Yuengling is known as America's Oldest Brewery, being around since 1829. I love it. OK - back to vacation. I'll check in from North Carolina tomorrow. 

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 26 - Ale-8-one

Ale-8-One. Or Ale-81. Or Ale-8. Or A-Late-One. Whatever you call it, this is one of the last few sodas on my must try mental list. This is just one of those pops I've seen throughout the years but have never tried it to the best of my knowledge. And I can see why too - until recently, it was only a regional soda based out of Kentucky until in 2016, when Cracker Barrel started selling it in their fountain machines. Since then, it's gained popularity far and wide, and while still only really distributed in the Kentucky area, it's pretty easy to find.

Ale-8-One is essentially a caffeinated ginger ale soda with citrus. Apparently the recipe is a highly guarded secret with only two living people aware of its composition. The back of the bottle comes with a little story too. Let's read: "Ale-8-One has been a Kentucky favorite since G.L. Wainscott blended the first batch in 1926. The name Ale-8-One or "A Late One" was adopted to describe the latest thing in soft drinks. Today, our unique mix of ginger and fruit is still made using the same secret recipe handed down from Mr. Wainscott." Kentucky locals, when done breedin' sheep and shuckin' corn, are known to mix it with local bourbons (Kentucky Cocktail) or vodka (Tender Lovin'). 

As I said, I'm genuinely excited for this one. I twist off the bottle and it's a shocking combination of both Mountain Dew and ginger ale. Both senses are prevalent and there's no denying that's what I smell. I never thought to mix those two flavors together, but maybe Kentucky is onto something here. Let's see...I'm surprised how much Mountain Dew flavor I get out of this. And not like some grocery store knock-off or Mello-Yello, this is straight up Mountain Dew with a bit of ginger. If you're a fan of Doing the Dew, then I would recommend giving this one  a shot. I am not disappointed in the least! 

MAYrathon 2.0 Day 25 - Rocket Piss Bitterscotch Soda

I'm not feeling this one. I feel like they're trying too hard to be cool and clever, but of course, the label did intrigue me enough to shell out my hard earned cash, so here I sit. This is Rocket Piss - Bitterscotch Soda. Amazingly, NOT a product of Rocket Fizz - that would make too much sense. This comes to us from the Real Soda Company, essentially the red-headed stepchild of Rocket Fizz. I've had a headache all day today and aren't feeling too creative, so I'm just going to dive right in here.

The liquid is, of course, a pee yellow color, and the picture on the label appears to be an alien fish pissing from his mouth in a rainbow arc into a champagne glass with the planet Saturn looks on in disgust. I can't make this up. It also says: "Bitter Butterscotch Soda that Glows in the Dark." Spoiler: It doesn't. I tried all the tried and true techniques to make something glow but to no avail. Finally, printed on the glass label, it says: "Get Pissed." I intend to, Real Soda...I intend to. Open up the bottle and it really has no smell at all. Not even a subtle one. Drink time. Truth in advertising - it's a butterscotch soda but bitter. But why? No one would actually like this piss. Who wants to drink something bitter? Or named after urine? Besides me of course...sigh...