Summit Brewing Company: Winter Sampler

Well Happy Holidays from all of us (just me) here at Matty Mac's Beverage Shack and welcome to a special holiday edition where I'll be giving my two cents on Summit Brewing Company's Winter Sampler Pack. I went to the store today with the plan of getting a Christmas sampler pack of beers to enjoy as I start to look toward Christmas vacation. The problem is, I've already had the Sam Adams, Leinenkugel, and Blue Moon Christmas offerings in the past, and there weren't many other offerings in the holiday variety. I scoured my local Binny's in search of a rare treat to showcase to all of my fans (just me), and hidden way in the back of the cooler, like new fallen snow on a winter's morn, was the Summit Winter Sampler. Now, and this is true, when I grabbed the box and fat-guy hustled to the cash register, I really didn't bother to look at what beers were actually offered in the pack. I'm used to creatively titled and original winter ales named after classic Charles Dickens characters or full of words like fireside, snow drift and elf wang, but upon looking at the four different beers offered in this collection, I was enraged by the gall this company had in calling this a winter collection. But since I already bought it and already dusted off my Santa hat, let's Bah Humbug our way through this collection of Christmas mediocrity.

Beer #1 - Extra Pale Ale

When it's the holiday season and the stockings are hung by the chimney with care. After all the wrapping of gift cards (because I'm not creative or caring) is complete, I like to sit back and relax by the fire with a cold bottle of Summit...Extra...Pale...Ale. Yep. Pretty sure I can get this on July 4th too. Nothing says Christmas like an orange bottle with a picture of hops on it. Sigh...not even a clever joke like: HOPing you have a Merry Christmas. This is worse than nothing. Ok enough whining, let's take a sip......It's fine. Tastes like a pale ale. Nice hoppy taste and an strong (in a good way) aftertaste. Something that would be great raking leaves in September or sitting around a bonfire in July. Nothing really unique about it at all.  Taste - 3.5/5   Holiday Festiveness - 0/5

Beer #2 - India Pale Ale

Do they celebrate Christmas in India? That would be the only tie-in with Christmas in our next sampling.
Now don't get me wrong, I love IPAs. I'm what's known as a hop-head. Someone who really likes hoppy beer. And maybe one day I'll review my favorite IPAs, but today, it's all about Christmas! And this bottle is...the same, except that it's blue. Really festive Summit. (taste) It doesn't really taste like an IPA; the extra pale ale was actually more hoppy, so they failed me on both accounts. I have nothing else to say about this one; I'm going to take a break and stand under the mistletoe at the old folks home until I get someone to notice my, um, candy cane. Taste - 2/5  Holiday Festiveness - 0/5

Beer #3 - Horizon Red Ale

It's red so Christmas? NO! Of course not. It's another beer you can get anytime you want. This one is brewed with "exceptional American hops," so it must be a holiday treat even the Grinch couldn't pass up. (taste) Well, I do like the taste. It's matly, hoppy and not too overpowering. And it's red, so I'm going to just say it's a Christmas beer. Ugh, who am I kidding, I hate you Summit, and you hate Christmas!  Taste - 4/5 Holiday Festiveness - 1/5

Beer #4 - Winter Ale

What? Doth mine eyes deceive me? WINTER ALE? So what makes in a winter ale? Does the bottle give me an interesting description of how this beer was brewed with reindeer souls in the north pole? Nope. It's the same stupid bottle, but this time it's brown. Christmas brown? Well it's the closest I'm going to get to a holiday treat with this collection, so let's give it a try. It tastes like Sam Adams. That's it. No nutmeg. No Candy Cane. No carolers wassailing while I drink. This has been a disaster. I have eight beers left, and I'm going to go stand on my porch and chuck them at homeless people while I eat snicker doodles. Taste - 2/5 Holiday Festiveness - 1.5/5

 From all of us at the beverage shack (still just me), Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you and yours!

Teriyaki Soda

OK who hasn't had this thought: you're drinking an ice cold Pepsi. Sure it's good and a flavor you've come to rely on, but it could really use more Asian sauce condiment. Well my friend, do I have the beverage for you! It's Teriyaki soda brought to you by...uh...company unknown. It has a distributor on the label, but that's about it. Apparently it's one of the many "ramune" sodas popular in Japan and known for it's distinct bottle and marble-sealed glass bottles. I kinda wish I would have looked up this stuff before I tried to open the bottle earlier which, because it was such a task, I made a video just on the challenges of opening the ramune bottle. Check it out at the bottom of this review. Well, I've been screwed by China's claim to beverage deliciousness, so let's see what Japan has to offer.

Smell/First Sip:
Because I go into a lot of detail in the video, I'm going to skip my usual discussion on the appearance of the bottle. But if your someone who hates my voice and just likes my smooth typin' style, let me sum it up for you: it has a stupid marble and took me four minutes to open. Moving on...let's go in for a smell. Well, I gotta be honest, it smells like teriyaki sauce. I also gotta be honest once more - I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Let's give it a go. Ok first of all, this bottle is so stupid. I have to put my entire mouth over the giant blue thing to get to the tiny hole in the center (no dick jokes please). All the while, this dumbass marble is just jauntily rocking back and forth as I drink. I DON'T GET IT RAMUNE!!! And it's six ounces, so I'm halfway through the bottle after my first sip. But what does it taste like? As it touches your toungue it's a sweet tang, so you swallow thinking that everything is cool. Then the aftertaste hits you and all you can taste is...McNuggets. Yep. This is a soda that tastes like McNuggets. I think I'm going to go cry tears of grease for a few hours.

Overall:
I said it tastes like McNuggets. DON'T DRINK THIS!

Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray Soda

If you've been to a Panera Bread in your lifetime, chances are you've seen Dr. Brown's soda. The Black Cherry and Root Beer are fairly common flavors and quite tasty, but their most popular and rarest (oxymoron?) is the Cel-Ray soda, a soda derived from the extract of celery seeds. I did a little research, and the good doctor has been pumping out this celery flavored tonic since 1869 and was originally developed to give nutrients to immigrant children. Why not just give them some celery? Because science. Apparently this particular soda was so popular among the New York Jewish community in the 1930s that it became known as "Jewish Champagne." There's a lot of history involved in a soda based on something that only tastes good with cream cheese slathered on it. Today, unless you're in New York or Florida, you'll find it pretty hard to stumble across a bottle of Cel-Ray. But is it worth seeking out?

Appearance:

Well it's green, which...I guess...means celery. We're reminded twice that this beverage has been around since 1869, and the front features a small photo of people crossing the Brooklyn Bridge. I'm assuming in 1869. And I'm assuming it's because they had a cravin' for some cel-ray soda. It's interesting to note that it is actually made with celery seeds. Not like the peanut butter soda that blatantly lied to my face and tasted like sugary peanut water. I'm not gonna lie - I'm pretty excited to try this one.





Smell/First Sip:
I take a whiff and the two things I smell are sugar and very very faintly, celery. I don't know if this is my mind
playing tricks on me because I have celery on the brain, but it definitely had a mild celery smell. I've never typed the word "celery" this many times in one sitting in my life. Brace yourself Jewish Champagne, I'm going in. (sips). That's...interesting. It's heavily carbonated, and you can feel the bubbles on the way down your throat. I DO taste celery, and it's not an overly sweet flavor mixed in. I guess the best way to explain it would be if you blended ginger ale with celery and then took out half the sugar. Shalom!

Drinkability/Overall:
One of my favorite Gatorade flavors is Cucumber-Lime because there's a fresh vegetable hint mixed in with the fruity flavor. It's really refreshing. The same can be said for Cel-Ray Soda. It's fresh, has a hint of celery that's not overpowering, and it works as a soda. This might be my favorite (read: only good one ever) beverage I've tried on the Soda Shack thus far. So...yea...not a very funny review I guess, but thanks Dr. Brown!

                                                            "You're welcome, Matt."

Milo: Chocolate Nutritional Energy Drink

Well...this one's been in my fridge for months and it about to expire, so what the hell? It's Milo time. (Get it? Like Miller Time? Get it?). At first I thought this was a celebrity endorsed beverage by some famous soccer player named Milo, but I was terribly wrong. It's an amalgamation of different countries that you rarely hear together in a conversation. It originated in Australia in the 1930s as a powdered product, is distributed in energy drink form by the American company, Nestle, is manufactured in Malaysia, is most popular in Singapore, and was found in the Mexican section of my local grocery store. Dear God, Milo - how many cultures put their blood, sweat and tears into making this can just so a fat, white kid can make fun of it?

Appearance:
Milo is still mostly consumed around the world in its powdered form (much like Nestle Quick), but we're lucky enough here in the states to enjoy the green 8oz can of pure milk juice. The fancy can also features not famous not soccer player, Milo celebrating his huge milk drinking victory. I looked on Wikipedia to see how it was made, but it was quite literally an entire essay of information including words like hygroscopic, theobromine, and thick opaque syrup obtained from malted wheat barley. Yep. On second thought, I don't need to know how it's made. Let's drink.



Smell/First Sip:
I crack it open and DAMMIT, I forgot to shake well! If it sucks, it's on me this time. It smells a lot like Nestle Quick. And seeing as it's made from the same company, it's probably the exact same thing with caffeine. (here goes) It's quite chocolaty and is quite a bit thicker than I imagined it would be. The best thing I can compare it to would be if you leave your chocolate ice cream out in the sun and try and sip up the soupy remains. It's tasty, but I still don't feel like playing soccer.

Drinkability:
It's been around since the 30s, so who am I to judge? But I definitely think it's strangely marketed. This is a tasty chocolate drink more akin to being the awesome thing the cool kid sneaks over at a sleepover for eight year olds. When I was a kid and my friends and I would create our own energy drinks to stay up, it would usually end up tasting something like this. I certainly don't see a fit athlete swiggin' some Milo and then scoring the winning soccer goal, but who knows, maybe things are different in Singapore/Australia/Malaysia/Mexico. Who am I to say?

Overall: 
It's no thirst quencher, but I like the taste. Now that I've had my Milo, I'm off to play some soccer with the Quick Bunny and Stuart Little. Until next time friends.

Tummy Tickler: Smilin' Wolverine Head

Tummy Tickler Wolverine Apple Juice. 100% Healthy. 100% Fun. 100% NOT a good childhood role model! I mean seriously, of all the mascots the good folks at Tummy Tickler could pick to represent their wholesome childhood product, they choose Wolverine? You know what Wolverine is the best at? If you guessed beating super villains to a bloody pulp and being bloodier on an average Wednesday than John McClane in every "Die Hard" movie combined...then give yourself a bell. Just look at the image to the left. What person thought this guy should be smiling on top of a children's juice with a straw on his dumb head so children can suck away at his bloody brain knowledge? Let me read the label more here: "Apple Juice Concentrate from China." Figures.

Appearance:
To be fair, Tummy Tickler is not an exclusive Wolverine product. The company is well known for sticking a plastic straw through the heads of whatever cartoon is popular today ranging from Dora to Winnie the Pooh to Alfonso Ribeiro. It's cute. It's cheap. And like Pez Dispensers or Cracker Jacks, it gives kids a keepsake to go with their food or drink. This one claims to be 100% juice, equivalent to 3/4 a cup of fruit (good?) and weighs in at a whopping 6 oz. I'd need about six of these to quench my thirst, but then again, I'm not the target audience.

Smell/First Sip/Drinkability:

It Smells like F#(%*% Apple Juice
It Tastes like F#(%*% Apple Juice
Drinkability is F#(%*% Apple Juice




Overall:
I'm 25 years older than the target market for this product, but it was fun drinking from Wolverine's murder hole. You can always count on China to be good with the moral decisions for our youth; it's only a matter of time before they come out with Hello Kitty Beer...

Dammit China...

Vermont Maple Soda (Video)

Adam joins Matt once again for a video review of Vermont Maple Soda.

My Beverage Collection: Part Two

Previously on Matty Mac's Beverage Shack: I showed some old bottles and cans from my collection and nobody was interested.

And now the exciting conclusion!

The sprite bottle was a stocking stuffer gift from my parents several years ago. It's shaped like a Christmas ornament and pretty unique, so I held on to it. As a big fan of The Simpsons, I had to keep both the Flaming Moe's and Duff Energy drinks in my collection; the latter being a 24 pack 30th birthday gift from my friends Adam and Kristen. Both were very tasty and I recommend them to any fans of energy drinks. Next, last year, to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the NBA USA Dream Team, several beverages came out with a commemorative can of soda. My favorite basketball player was always David Robinson, so I grabbed this one up. Finally, St. Peter's Golden Ale, a gift from my brother on my golden 30th birthday. The beer itself wasn't anything amazing, but it's by far the coolest bottle design I've ever come across. Almost like a flask from a time gone by.

This batch of random beers don't really have much story to them, I just kept them because I thought they were cool. The first three were gifts from my parents one year for Christmas and I really liked the Al Capone theme to them. Next is the D-Light from the Detroit-based Atwater Brewery; it uses the old English D synonymous with the Detroit Tigers. Next is Cave Creek Chili Beer. A beer I stumbled across with my dad that featured a real chili pepper within the beer. It was awesome! Next, Chocolate Covered Maple Flavored Bacon Soda (phew) was one of the first inspirations I had to start writing about my adventures in beverage consumption. That one is followed by Gumball Head beer, my all-time favorite. Finally, I have no idea the significance of the last beer but...it looks cool.

 The next cluster of drinks are all from Two Brothers Brewery. None are particularly rare or unique (although I don't think Heavy Handed is too common), but I've just always liked their bottle designs and visited the brewery last year. Next is a custom label I ordered as part of a Christmas gift for my parents. They brewed their own beer; Tom and Sharon's Electric Brew-Galoo. Following that is Anchor Brewery 2012 Merry Christmas Ale; only significant because it was the last purchase I ever made in my twenties. Finally, the awesome Darth Vader Energy Cola. a Pepsi exclusive from Japan that my godmother got me for Christmas last year.

The final two items of note are this 7 Up bottle that I got in a random white elephant several years back. I wish I could remember who gave it to me because it's so unique and interesting. It is definitely old, and features a felt label around the bottle, but other than that - I know nothing about it. It's just a really cool addition to my collection. Then there's a knight. And finally, the Gumball Head Beer tapper that my buddy Bryan secured for me because he knew it was my favorite beer.

Well that's that...

It Tastes RAAW: Passion Fruit Wheatgrass

So this is it...the end of summer. I'm down to my last Summer Shandy, and after two months of bad decisions, it's time to detox. Before getting back into waking up at 5:30 in the morning again, I need to clear out my system with a little wheatgrass. I had it once at a Jamba Juice and I thought my liver was being stabbed by hippies, but with a little passion fruit added in, who knows? This is brought to us by the RAAW foods corporation. Spelling it with two As because...cool? And apparently, according to their website, if I drink it, hot chicks will exercise for me. Also, look at all of those "delicious" claims: Non GMO verified (whoo hoo?), Kosher (shalom!), Vegan, Gluten-Free and 100% natural. I'm sure this is going to be a real taste bud treat.

Appearance:
No less than three times am I told that this beverage will have a great taste! It also explains what wheatgrass does besides make you feel like having a Pepsi with butter, and gives key health facts. It's interesting to note that the two main ingredients are pineapple juice and apple juice, followed by the wheatgrass and passion fruit. A bit strange considering the other two fruits don't get their time to shine on this bottle. Finally, the juice itself is a thick, dark green color - not unlike grass.

Smell/First Sip:
After a vigorous shaking, I crack the plastic bottle open and take a whiff. I get the passion fruit smell immediately, followed by a grassy/dirt type smell. Here goes nothing (healthy sip). The passion fruit and pineapple are at the forefront of flavor, and it tastes really clean and fresh. The wheatgrass is mild, which is good because I don't like that flavor.

Drinkability:
Honestly, I don't have anything too negative to say about this one. It tastes like fresh squeezed juice, not overpoweringly sweet and makes me feel like I went to the gym instead of sat here writing on my blog about sugary drinks. It's tasty, and unlike most other drinks I've tried so far, I'd probably get this one again.

Overall:
It's a healthy and tasty drink. I better go get a beer to balance it out.

My Beverage Collection (Part One)

This post will probably be boring for most everyone, but even before starting this blog, I always wanted to write about my little collection of beverage bottles and cans. Collecting has always been in my blood. Whether it be Muppet stuff or X-Men action figures as a kid, I always had to collect. And it's never been about the money. All my bottles have been opened and enjoyed, thus making them completely worthless. But there's a charm to collecting and displaying these trinkets and oddments that I just never grew out of.

I am saddened to admit that this is my second, and much smaller collection; in college I had a massive collection of energy drink cans ranging from the common to now defunct flavors like Nelly's Pimp Juice and Whoop Ass. But being a poor college student forced me to cash them all in for the Michigan ten cent deposits so I could visit my friends at MSU and make bad decisions. But I digress...here's my current collection.

  I'm just going left to right on my cupboard shelves. Pay no attention to the Stone Cold Steve Austin cup; I don't know why that's there. The first three, Three Philosophers, Lucifer and Pranqster, were gifts from my friend Bryan on my 27th birthday. They aren't extremely rare in 12 oz bottle form, but I really like the large bottles, and the Three Philosophers is actually dated 2010, making it a special year for philosophy or something like that.

Also in 2010, Jones Soda put out a line of beverages to coincide with the Buffy the Vampire Slayer comic book. If you know anything about me, you'll know I'm a big Buffy and Muppet fan, and probably 30 and single for a reason. (single tear). These were all just variations on their already popular flavors, and some of them were really stretching to make them fit in with Buffy and her cohorts including Dawn's a Centaur Root Beer and Buffy Blue Bubble Gum. Why? I don't know, but as a Buffy geek, I'm happy to have them.

Book ended by a couple of Kermits, is an odd assortment of things. First off is Moxie, a beverage given to me by my friend Andy when he visited Vermont. This is one I hope to review when I come across a fresh can. The Kalamazoo ale I will discuss more in a moment. The Jagermeister sits there as a cautionary tale - you're only young once. I hate the stuff now. Dragonmead: Final Absolution is a Michigan beer that is really strong and one of the first Michigan micro-brews I ever tried. Next, that is sadly not a real can of Surge, but a beanbag made to look like a can. I'd give anything to try that sweet, green beverage once again! And finally, I love knock-off brand sodas, and this is a Myrtle Beach grocery store's attempt to make Mountain Dew, Mountain Lion.

When I first moved to Chicago in 2007, there was a big dispute between the city of Chicago and the popular Bell's brewery which concluded in Bell's not being able to sell their product in the city (eventually this was overruled and now you can find Bell's everywhere). To get around that law, Bell's created new beer that was only available during the Chicago ban and is no longer brewed. This particular bottle is sentimental to me because it features everywhere I've ever lived starting from left to right: Detroit (suburbs), Kalamazoo and Chicago. My life on a label.

At the risk of boring everyone to tears, I am going split this into two parts.

Rocket Fizz: Peanut Butter Old Fashioned Soda

How can this go wrong? I love soda. I love peanut butter. This one should be a no-brainer. From the folks that brought me the terrible banana nut bread soda, Rocket Fizz is responsible for creating this peanut butter concoction. I don't get the "old fashioned" part of it though. Are they trying to say that back in the old soda shops of the 40s and 50s people would sit around indulging themselves in a Skippy soda? Or maybe it's supposed to remind you of a classic shake you could order at the sock hop? All I know is that I did some research on this one and NOBODY likes it. I couldn't find one positive review on it. Terrific.

Appearance:

Unlike the rest of Rocket Fizz's brands of soda, this one is pretty plain. I guess it's their attempt to make it look classic and old fashioned. It's brown like peanut butter so...that's something I guess, and it's made with pure cane sugar, 42 grams of it. And, not surprisingly, no nuts, peanuts, peanut butter, jelly, bread or any edible food product went into the making of this old-fashioned hell spawn.

Smell/First Sip:

So I was expecting an overwhelming smell of peanut butter and instead got...nothing? Not completely nothing, but it smells more like if someone was baking a peanut butter pie with their windows open...in

Cleveland. Strike two came when I poured some into a glass and instead of a thick, brown peanut buttery substance, it looked more like grapefruit juice. Time for a taste (sips). When you were a kid, did you ever try and make a sugar sandwich? I don't recommend it because it's way too sweet and stabs at your teeth. That's what this tastes like. Less peanut butter and more sugar-filled brass knuckles.

Drinkability:
I went for a few more sips and I'm actually reminded of those crappy unnamed Halloween peanut butter candies. You know, the ones that are always at the very bottom of your bag and are only eaten because it's February and your parents are threatening to throw them away. No one likes them. And no one likes this soda either. If you really hate one of your friends or family members, get this for them for Christmas, and then break the bottle over their head.

0 for 2 Rocket Fizz. You're bacon soda better be awesome.

Rocket Fizz: Banana Nut Soda (Video Review)

Matt and Adam try their first attempt at a video review. 

Kickapoo Joy Juice

I was immediately drawn in by the name of this beverage – Kickapoo Joy Juice. At first I thought maybe it was a tie-in to the failed Tenacious D film where Jack Black's character sings about being from Kickapoo with Meatloaf and Dio (This Song), but I did a little research and found that it is a tie-in, but to Lil' Abner, a popular comic strip from the 30s to the 50s. Huh? Let's take a look at sample of Lil' Abner.

LOL?

I don't get it either, but apparently the then-popular comic included two redneck poachers named (sigh) Hairless Joe and Lonesome Polecat, who were known for making their moonshine-like slurry known as Joy Juice. The creator of the comic strip, Andy Capp, also popular for making Andy Capp's Hot Fries, made a deal with a soft drink company instead of a liquor company, and the rest is history.

Appearance -

The bottle shows our good pals Hairless Joe and Lonesome Polecat (why is he lonesome when he's got Joe by his side?) toasting to another fine batch of Kickapoo Joy Juice. Great work fellas. They also inform us that this is the “Original Dogpatch Recipe.” Thank God because nothing gets my goat worse than a bunch of Dogpatch phonies trying to make a profit off us rubes. Finally, instead of an expiration date like all beverages are required to have (they've been making this since 1965, so I have no idea how old this actually is), there's a simple message explaining that “Kickapoo is Good 4 U.” Bad grammar and, at 45g sugar per bottle, an outright lie. Don't try to pull the wool over my face, Mr. Abner.

Smell/First Sip -

Smells like Mello Yello or Mountain Dew. Something tells me that's what it's going to taste like. (sips) Even

better/worse: it tastes like one of those grocery store knockoff brands of Mountain Dew that just didn't quite get the recipe right. Like my favorite knock-off: Mountain Holler. Sure they tried to get the formula right, but it's just not up to par with the original. I have a few more sips and notice a very low carbonation and almost metallic taste. If cheap were a taste, this would taste cheap.

Drinkability -

The novelty of it is fun. It's got a silly name, two rednecks toasting on the bottle and could be a great collector's item for all you Lil' Abner fans (anyone? anyone?), but in the world of delicious Mountain Dew available at pretty much every store in America, why would I go out of my way to search for a lesser-quality Dew knockoff? Sorry Kickapoo, you're neither a joy nor a juice.

Overall – Kickapoo is a one and done for me...until they perfect their dogpatch formula.   

Vacation Edition Twofer - "Lychee Flavour" and "Milk Drink" Chinese Drinks

Well, I'm back from my Disney vacation in Florida and brought a few gems back to Chicago. For those of you who don't know about Epcot, they have what is called the World Showcase which is a representation of eleven different countries that include authentic food, drinks, decor and even employees from the country being represented. In China, I came across a beverage case and picked out two drinks that caught my eye.  

Lychee Flavour Aerated Water

The first drink that grabbed me was the lychee water. Here's my known history of lychee. I thought it was a booze, like Bacardi or Sake. On my 30th birthday, my parents got a bottle of it and we all did a celebratory drink before going to the Pistons game. I remember it tasting mildly like grapefruit, and it was quite tasty. That's all I knew. But apparently, it's a fruit/plant grown exclusively in various Asian countries. So let's see if lychee is tasty (Rhyming!).

Appearance - 

What actually drew me to this particular drink was how it looked. It's all plastic, but has the top of a soda can and the bottom of a water bottle. Pretty clever China. The bottle also depicts a picture of what I assume is a lychee. Spell check doesn't even recognize this word, so I don't know what the hell I'm getting myself into. 

Smell/First Sip - 

It smells very fresh and fruity with a floral undertone. Let's give it a sip. Not bad. It's essentially grapefruit juice without the sour afterburn. It's really fruity, and tastes more like juice than flavored water. 

Drinkability - Not much to say on this really. It's tasty. I would certainly get this again if I ever come across it, but it's pretty rare in the states and I wouldn't go out of my way to search it out. Overall - Well done, China.

"Milk Drink"

I've been kind of dreading this one. For one thing, I can find almost no information online about Mr. Smiling Asian boy, the Golden Fortune beverage company or his Milk Drink and two, it traveled around the US in a room temperature suitcase for a few days and then was re-refrigerated. It's made from milk powder (imported from New Zealand apparently), and not real dairy, so I think I'll live. If not, please call me an ambulance. On the distributor's website, it's listed in the dried foods category, not as a beverage.  

Appearance - 

The appearance is what drove me to buy this one. Look at that chubby-cheeked bastard. How could you say no to his milk drink? And I'm not just being lazy with giving you the details, that's all the can says about it - Milk Drink. I assume the Asian lettering has something to do with fat Americans and Jackie Chan.

Smell/First Sip - 

Well...it doesn't smell like milk. Not that I'm overly surprised. The best I can compare the smell to would be like a Yoo-Hoo drink. I notice the color is a little off, so I'm going to pour it into a glass before consuming

this crap. The camera really doesn't do it justice, but it's a lot darker than regular milk and with a thicker consistency. Almost like a vanilla malt form Big Boy. Here goes nothing...nope, not milk, not even close. You fail smiling Chinese boy. You just sold me a can of sweetened breast milk didn't you?

Drinkability - 
It's literally the sweetest beverage I've ever drank, and it's supposed to be milk. There's 25 grams of sugar...in this "Milk!" My teeth are actually begging for a can of coke right now to wash away the sugar! If I was able to find any info on this, I'm guessing it would say use one teaspoon when making a cake for the entire Chinese army. I hate you Milk Drink; I hate you so much.

That's it for today, coming up next, one I've been looking forward to trying for a long time - Kickapoo Joy Juice!