What a great weekend. I had four days off. My best friend got married. And I got to catch up with a lot of old friends. I figured what better way to top off a great weekend then to indulge in some new sodas. And since it's Labor Day, why not really get down and dirty and pay respect to the hard work our ancestors put in to make this country great. Why not take the time to consume some good old American soil, and not in the figurative sense either. I have today two flavors of soda I have definitely never tried before - dirt and grass, from the always creative and masochistic folks at Rocket Fizz. When I first picked these up, I thought it was just going to be a clever title for some chocolate and sour apple soda, but I watched a few videos of other people trying them and nope..it's dirt and grass flavored soda. Why? Because there's idiots like me in the world who will pay money to drink something that tastes like the ground. So let's get to it.
Dirt Soda
Right underneath the label of Dirt Soda it says "Shoveled and Bottled in the USA." Creative. The background photo is just a picture of dirt and it also claims to have pure cane sugar. I don't know if adding sugar to dirt makes it better or worse. Luckily the ingredients are just the standard soda stuff and no actual dirt has been added to the concoction. I imagine this is just like how they make those Bean Boozled jelly beans or the Harry Potter ones from a few years back. The color is a cloudy brown like a backed up RV toilet. There wasn't a single review or video that I saw where someone actually liked this, so I know I'm in for a treat. I hope I become the one person in the world who enjoys drinking dirt. (ladies). I crack open the bottle and go in for a big sniff. There really is an authentic mud smell to it with a hint of copper as well. Alright, bottoms up, America. Well that's.........dirt. It is legitimately a sweet tasting bottle of dirt. The aftertaste is 100% essence of ground. This is terrible, but I have to give them credit for truth in advertising. Even with my iron stomach, two sips is the best I can do. The taste won't go away; hopefully some grass will make it better. 
Grass Soda
This ultra-bright green soda claims to be Mowed and Bottled in the USA. There's grass clippings all over the label and, like Dirt, advertises its Pure Cane Sugar. Both flavors are pretty much made up of the same "natural" and "artificial" ingredients, with the Grass Soda including some extra food dyes. It's really deceiving my eyes because on the outside, it looks like a delicious Jones Green Apple Soda. Bottle is opened and I'm going for a sniff. Alright this is ridiculous. It smells just like lawn clippings. I am immediately transported to childhood and riding with my dad on the lawnmower. Who thinks of this stuff? I don't know if I've ever tasted grass in real life, so I'm not sure how to compare it, but here goes nothing. (tentative gulp). This one is a bit sweeter, and it definitely has a grassy flavor to it, but it's a lot fresher tasting than the dirt. I don't actually hate this. The best thing I could come up with to compare it to would be a banana peel. Or cucumber rinds. There's something so familiar to it, but I can't quite put my green thumb on it. I think I actually kinda like it. I probably need psychiatric help.
Combo
Alright, just for kicks, I'm going to combine the two in a glass and give it a shot. After all, you can't have grass without soil. AMERICA. Mixing them together creates a lighter brown color with much heavier carbonation that drinking either separate. The soil still dominates the old olfactory sense. Let's taste...The Grass actually subdues the overpowering Dirt taste but only slightly. It's still pretty terrible. Well, I can check Grass and Dirt off my bucket list. Oddly enough, I still have another drink based on a non-edible element that I'll be trying soon. Until then, my burps taste like muddy water.
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