Watermelon Flavored Sodas

I really need to clean out my fridge. I've just been picking up random sodas left and right, and with my giant box of Asian sodas in transit, I need to clear some space. Typically when I do reviews I'll try to have a theme like nostalgia, Asian or Piece of Shit, but they can't all be creative winners. So today, let's look at three beverages that are watermelon flavored...because why not.

Filbert's Old Time Quality Watermelon

What's a health inspector?

Ah, good old Filbert's. Who could forget the Old Time Quality taste you include in every tasty bottle. Why, we've been best pals since - June of 2016. Maybe even July. Yea, I had never heard of Filbert's Soda before, but apparently it's a Chicago staple since 1926. Much like Vernors is to Detroit, I guess Filbert's is a mainstay in the Chicago area; the picture to the right is an actual photo of their bottling machinery, apparently unchanged since the 20s. I came across this bottle at a brewery in the suburbs. I had never (to the best of my knowledge) actually tried a watermelon flavored soda, so I was intrigued and tantalized. And then it sat in my fridge forgotten for two months. Well I pulled it out recently and looked up the company. Though I've lived in Chicago for ten years, and for most of that time off of Ashland Ave. (Where the company is located), I still have never heard of them. And now I am definitely on the hunt to find more, as they produce more than thirty flavors from Green Apple to Banana to Grapefruit to Mr. Newport (which I assume is a cigarette flavored soda). But the theme today is watermelon, so let's get into it.

No actual watermelons were killed in the making of this soda, and for a high-fructose beverage, it's only 100 calories. The smell is very sweet and reminiscent of a candy watermelon. Low carbonation and almost a sticky-sweet texture as it flows down the ol' soda hole........If I did a blind taste test, and you asked me to tell you what it is, I would probably say Faygo Red Pop or Big Red. While there's the slightest hint of watermelon, it really tastes more like a classic red soda. Not bad at all, but not really what was advertised. I'd give it an 8/10 for flavor, but a 2/10 for overall watermeloniness. (patent pending)

Jolly Rancher Soda: Watermelon

This one is the second Jolly Rancher flavored soda to come from my friend Anisa. Those Albanians must really Love soda based on candy! I'm actually really excited to try this because of how much I loved the Blue Raspberry flavored one I had a few months ago. I already gave my thoughts on Jolly Ranchers in that review, so I am just going to dive right in and skip the lame jokes and pop culture references. I crack open the bottle and, oh yea, it's a watermelon Rancher. The smell is spot on. It's like they added some carbonation to melted candy. The taste? Freaking amazing. It's literally a liquid jolly rancher. For flavor: 9/10. For watermeloniness: That's tricky because while it tastes exactly like a watermelon Jolly Rancher, it doesn't taste THAT much like a watermelon. More than Filbert's did though, so I'd go 7/10.

Trader Joe's Watermelon Cucumber Cooler

Finally, this one is a bit of a cheat as it's not a soda and not JUST watermelon flavored, but it's watermelon and it's in my fridge, so we're tasting it. I was a little late in the game in discovering Trader Joe's. I used to think that if I went in there, I would be sprayed with patchouli oil and forced to join a hackey sack league. Upon my first time shopping there, I asked for plastic bags and the whole place erupted in a pre-Civil Rights movement silence when someone crossed water fountains. But I've grown to love it, and one of my favorite things is their ever expansive line of juices. I've said it before, my favorite Gatorade flavor is the Cucumber Melon. So I have high hopes for this. It's actually made with watermelon and cucumber juice (concentrate) and there's a ton of sediment on the bottom of the jug which just screams "I'm real, dammit." Let's give it a shot, eh? It smells both exactly like watermelon and cucumber and also nothing like the two. It's hard to explain, and this blog has gotten long, so I'm not even going to try. (swig) Super, super sweet. I taste the flavors, but it is overwhelmingly sweet. 8% of your daily carbs and sugars, sweet. I would need to cut this with some water just to drink any more of it. Both flavor and watermeloniness (patent pending) get a 5/10. 

What a way to say goodbye to summer with these watermelon treats. Tune in next time where I drink dirt and grass...I wish I was kidding.