It's Halloween - Pete's Pumpkin Patch Soda

I think we all knew this was coming eventually. But what about part two of the Pumpkin Beer collection? "You promised us more pumpkin beers!!!" Well here's a recap: They were sweet, tasted vaguely of pumpkin and were all pretty crappy. I realized that after the first three, I didn't have much to say about the other three, plus it's the last day in October, and I wanted to end with this one.

It's weird that with the influx of pumpkin flavored everything that's sprung up over the past decade, that there haven't been a plethora of pumpkin sodas. In fact, this is the only one I've ever come across before, and it's not made by a mass distributor either. It's just produced by a guy named Pete at some shady farm in Camarillo, California. The website is plastered on the bottle, but when I went to visit the site (it looks like it was made by a twelve year old on Geocities in 2002), it mentioned nothing about the soda whatsoever. There's a few pictures, a broken map and info about field trips and a hayride - whoopty shit.           www.petespumpkinpatch.com 

Totally safe here. Murder free since September.

Let's check the comments section. Maybe folks who have visited Pete's have something to say about his soda. 

Mmmm kay...

Well it looks like I'm on my own here, so let's give it a whirl. My first observation is that it's definitely orange. So they got the color right. I snap it open and give it a quick sniff. All I smell really is a mild brown sugar. Let's see what Pete cooked up on his death ranch and give this a taste. 

It's a lot milder than I expected. Very lightly carbonated and extremely light on the pumpkin flavor. But on the flip side, it's more of the taste of actual pumpkin than the beers and coffees I've tried. It doesn't taste like fake pumpkin flavoring. The more I try it, it actually tastes like an orange pop with cinnamon flavoring added. I don't hate this one. Looks like I get to end October with a treat instead of a trick. Maybe I'll head out to California and congratulate Pete on a job well done.

No one can hear you scream out here

October Soda Soiree Part Two: Pumpkin Beers (one of two)

What's all the hype surrounding pumpkin flavored stuff in October? Do we really like it or are we preconditioned to look forward to it because we don't get it year round? McDonald's just started doing all day breakfast, and I have a feeling it's going to be a flop. If things are readily available to us at all times, we take them for granted and don't really care. When was the last time anyone just HAD to have a Sprite? We know it's there, and it's not going anywhere so who gives a turkey? But as a society, we are obsessed with pumpkin flavoring around this time of year, especially pumpkin flavored beers. But are they really all that tasty? Well, I went to my local Binny's and grabbed six pumpkin beers and gave them a try in the name of science and not acute alcoholism. Below are my honest opinions. As an addendum, I went for ones I had never tried before so most of the popular, mainstream beers won't make an appearance here.

#1 - Tyranea Brewing Co. - Painted Ladies Pumpkin Spice Ale
Here's what the bottle says: “The Painted Ladies Annual Fling celebrates the Renaissance of downtown Lake Mills (WI). Although named for the restoration of many Victorian storefronts, some of the more adventurous women-folk added a playful twist and dressed up as, well, painted ladies. Inspired by these bold and spicy women, we brewed Painted Ladies, a pumpkin and spice-infused, amber ale. This fall, make sure you enjoy a fling with a few painted ladies."

Painted Ladies...Isn't that a fancy word for prostitute? Is this hooker beer? Is Tyranea telling me to go meet a hooker? Well I appreciate the sage advice and all, but I’m here to try your pumpkin beer...but maybe after?

I've never heard of this beer company. I went on their website to see if I had heard of any of their beers and I have not, but they seem to have a pretty big following. It’s funny that all these pumpkin beers are pumpkin flavored with other spices, but they rarely tell you what exact spices they use. Tarragon? Garlic? Wattleseed?

It has that distinct pumpkin smell, but not as sweet as others I’ve sniffed in the past.

And the flavor matches the smell, definitely not as sweet as the average pumpkin beer. The pumpkin is very mild and the amber ale takes the lead while the pumpkin flavor rides shotgun. It’s also really flat. They really could have "painted" this up a little more. Get it!
Verdict: 2 out of 5 Gourds

#2 - Stevens Point Brewery - Limited Edition Harvest Craft Creations: Pumpkin Peach Flavored Ale. 

Try saying that ten times fast. This is one of two beers I picked up from the Harvest Craft Creations series. This one caught my eye because it’s taking the regular old pumpkin beer and adding peach juice to it; something I never would have thought of. This is another brewery out of Wisconsin, but this one I have heard of, and have enjoyed some of their beers in the past.

I give it a whiff and the pumpkin smell is strong. No real essence of peach, but maybe it’s in the taste. I give it a couple of sips and...it’s weird. A good weird I suppose, but weird just the same. It’s like pumpkin and peach are in a fight to the death but are evenly matched. I taste both flavors equally, but they don’t blend together. Try replacing Jelly with spaghetti sauce on your pasta. You taste them both, but God didn’t intend them to be buddies. Unique to say the least, but a one and done for me; I wouldn’t seek it out again.

Verdict: 3 out of 5 Gourds 

#3 - Wild Onion Brewing Company - Pumpkin Ale

Supposedly around since 1996, I have never heard of these guys and they’re based locally right out of Chicago.Nothing fancy here, simply a can with an angry looking pumpkin. Mild smell. Strong pumpkin taste, more than the others so far. Very light and easy drinking. Like a pumpkin infused PBR. Maybe because it’s in a can. Already getting a little sick of pumpkin, but this is probably the best one so far.

Verdict: 3.5 out of 5 Gourds

Alright, this is enough reading about my random pumpkin ramblings for today. I'll post part two later in the week. See you then.

October Soda Soiree Part One: Brain Wash

It took me damn near a half hour trying to spell soiree correctly!

It's October again. The month where summer has all but faded into the mist, the trees shed their leaves and cider mill farmers and haunted wineries experience a 1000% increase in profits. And of course, everything in the world is flavored in pumpkin, sweet potato, cinnamon and yak's milk (I think). For this month, I've chosen to look at Halloween or spooky themed drinks that really have no other place in this dumb blog except for celebrating the month of October. Let's first take a look at Brain Wash: Carbonated Drink.

The strangest thing about this spooky skull drink is that I didn't order it. It was not on my radar of sodas to buy; in fact, I didn't even know it existed. It came in a package of weird sodas I ordered over the summer. I guess it was thrown is as a bonus or something or an offering by Satan himself. Either way, I have no idea what to expect with this one. Let's take a look at the bottle. Brain Wash Carbonated Drink seems to be going as some type of brain or nerve tonic. Look at Mr. Bones here with...bloody brains coming out of his skull? And those lifeless blue dots where his eyes should be. Who is the target audience with this? Goth Kids? PreMed surgeons? Skeletons? Well the main tag line at the bottom reads: For a Change of Mind. But then there's all sorts of other crap written all over the bottle like:

       - Helps relieve extreme mental overload

       - This may be your only way out!

       - We want you for life

       - Gets rid of all the garbage they've been dumping in your mind

       - Caution: May cause special effects. We cut out all the bullshit in life and went straight for the               brain

I don't get frightened often, I watched all thirty-seven "Land Before Time" movies and saw Dane Cook twice in concert, but this one has me a little worried. Is there THC in it? Will I wake up in Narnia? I better get my affairs in order before trying this one. Consider this my last will and testament in case Brain Wash actually kills me. 

Dear whomever reads this crappy blog:

You can have all my lame stuff. Please delete my internet history and destroy my laptop. 

Sincerely,

Matty Mac

OK. I feel safe now. Let's pour this bad boy into a glass and see what we're working with. Well...it's the thickest, darkest color of blue I've ever seen in my life. I can't even compare it to anything else. If crayola had a name for it, it would be "No Soul Murder Blue". And it smells weird too. Like herbal tea infused with paint chips. Alright enough chatter, let's wash my brain!

And just like that, everything is stained blue: my tongue, my lips, my teeth, my glass. This is really going to suck in a few hours when I have to pee. And I'm not exaggerating, it feels weird in my throat and my stomach. It's a thick, viscousy feeling. Like a non-alcoholic jagger shot on fire. Two sips is enough of this; I'm actually starting to feel sick. I think I'm going to go wander around my neighborhood and play Crazy Eights with some ducks for about six hours. So long folks! 

So..,Freaking...Blue