Cake Sodas

You know what they say, "you can have your cake and DRINK it too." Yay! Starting with a terrible joke/pun for this review. Well...goodnight folks!

Oh, I should probably try the sodas too. Today I have two sodas based on cake. One I feel like is going to be awesome, while the other one scares the crap out of me. Let's go with the, hopefully, tasty one first.

Jones: Birthday Cake Soda
I've said this many times before - Jones Soda has never done me wrong. Never. I've already reviewed PB&J and Pumpkin Pie flavors and they tasted exactly like what they claimed to be. Even their weird holiday flavors from the past like Turkey and Mashed Potatoes did indeed live up to the hype. So I feel like I know what I'm getting myself into here, and I'm excited. You may notice I have two in the photo above. Well one is for consuming, while the other is to live forever on display because it is the greatest photo of all time. It's my best friend's marching band photo from high school, and I've been obsessed with it since I took it from his room before he left for college fifteen years ago. I still have the original copy on my fridge and it's just the greatest, nerdiest photo of all time. For his birthday this summer, I made him personalized Jones Soda with that photo on it, but I had one stipulation that I got to keep one bottle. I spend hours per day worshiping and mocking that saxophone playing, goofy faced bastard.

But now onto the one I'll drink! There's a cute photo of a hedgehog next to a cupcake, and Jones informs us that it's their official 20th birthday; they've been independent since '96. Good for you, Jones. Ingredients has the standard artificial flavors, sodium benzoate, and INVERTED cane sugar. This soda's got an innie. (how do you spell that)? I'm excited to try it, so lets go, toot sweet. Twist open the bottle and to my delight, it smells just like a cake. The inside of the cap also informs me that I should, "drive more slowly." But if I want to write a blog while going 90 in front of a daycare, then you can't stop me, Jones! BAHAHAHAHA. And the taste is......CAKE! More specifically vanilla icing and frosting. Even the aftertaste is distinctly cake. I really recommend you all seek this one out. If you love Cold Stone's cake flavored ice cream, or...just...like...cake, then you'll love this. Huzzah for Jones!

Abita - King Cake Soda

Come again now? King Cake Soda? What the hell is a king cake? The picture on the bottle looks like a snake's head was cut off and served on a platter made with "pure Louisiana Cane Sugar." I did some Google Image searching and it looks like Oompa Loompa fecal surprise with beads from...well never mind where they came from. Almost every photo also seems too have a little naked baby hidden in the cake. What...the...hell? This comes to us from the Abita Brewing Company in Louisiana. They're most known for their popular line of beers such as Abita Gold and Purple Haze. Let's see what their official website has to say about King Cake Soda. "All the goodness of King Cake - in an all-natural soda. Celebrate the sweetest treat of Carnival season with the flavors of frosting, candied sugar and cinnamon dough in this lightly carbonated soda. Made with pure Louisiana cane sugar and artesian spring water, and naturally caffeine-free."

Am I supposed to know what this cake is? The description makes me feel like I'm supposed to know what this is. This soda, which also claims to be gluten free contains actual cinnamon as one of the ingredients. But you know what, naked-baby-fecal-wonka-bead cake is too weird for me. Oh, I'll drink it, but I am not putting an ounce of research into what this cake actually is or why it's associated with a naked baby. I am going to spend the rest of my life being ignorant to what this cake actually is. If anyone ever tries to tell me about it, I will run (ok...waddle at mediocre speeds) in the other direction. I shall NEVER taste a king cake so long as I live!

So, let's taste some king cake soda. It smells like a mix between a churro and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. And it tastes like cinnamon and butter. (glug) Very sweet, but not artificial tasting. It has a true dessert taste to it. I'm pleasantly surprised by this. If you've ever wanted to blend some cinnamon toast and a stick of butter, than this is the treat for you. And no naked babies in the soda version of King Cake!

Never Forget...

MAYrathon Day 8: Pumpkin Pie Soda

It's Mother's Day. If you haven't already, get off your ass, stop reading my stupid words and go call your mom! We all have certain things that make us think of our moms and many of us can equate certain scents to growing up. My mom is a barber so whenever I smell certain hair products, I am immediately transported back to being a nine year old kid watching TV while my mom was cutting hair in the basement. Another is smelling certain foods cooking in the kitchen as I desperately waited to hear my mom yell up, "come wash your hands." That always meant dinner was ready, and it was almost always delicious. One of my favorite things to eat, for dessert anyway, was pumpkin pie. So what better way to honor 33 years of having the best mom ever than to suck down some pumpkin pie soda.

I'm no stranger to pumpkin pie, pumpkin flavored things OR Jones Soda. I've reviewed several different pumpkin flavored drinks and beers in the past, but this is the first time I've tried something that claims to be pumpkin PIE flavored. And I trust Jones soda as a brand; they've never been anything but straight shooters in my book. About a year ago, I did a review on Jones Soda PB&J flavor and by golly, it tasted just like a PB&J sandwich. Even back in the early 2000s when Jones would put out their holiday gift packs, no matter what the flavor: turkey, green bean casserole, creamed corn, etc - it tasted exactly like what it claimed to be - for better or for worse. I wish I could get my hand on some of those old Holiday Packs, but even my iron stomach probably couldn't handle fifteen year old Smoked Salmon Pate Soda. 

Alright I'm excited; no more yapping. I break open the seal and it smells just like a pumpkin pie. Like the spices are just perfect. The taste is spot on too. I mainly taste the nutmeg and cinnamon over the actual pumpkin, but for a soda trying to be a solid food, it doesn't get much better than this. I'm going to finish this whole thing and then call my mom! 

Season Two - A Trip to the World Market (Part One)

Well it's been roughly a year of neglect, but after a random trip to a store called World Market, where the abundance of weird sodas called to me like a siren's song, I've decided to dust off the old blog and return to what I do best/worst - trying crappy sodas for my own amusement. New year. New apartment. Same old awful jokes that would make a fourth grader roll their eyes. Welcome to Season Two!




Jones Soda's Peanut Butter and Jelly 
I grew up on Jones Soda. It was like that special treat you found at some fancy coffee shop where your parents would fork up an extra three bucks for delicious sugary treats such as Fufu Berry or Blue Bubblegum. I always had a case of Green Apple stocked in my fridge during college. Plus they were made with pure cane sugar! Which at the time meant nothing other than to slap someone's Pepsi One out of their hands for having lame high fructose corn syrup instead of the CANE! Oddly enough, this was the only offering from Jones at the World Market and by far one of the strangest. Upon reading the bottle it looks as this is a limited edition release meant to "honor the basic workhorse lunch of lunches." I took a gander at the ingredients and saw no bread, peanut butter nor jelly. However much to my delight, it includes such delicacies as...artificial flavors, potassium sorbate and calcium disodium edta. Yea! Potassium and calcium in one wholesome drink, take THAT vegetables! The liquid in the bottle has a purplish tint to it which makes me guess they're going for peanut butter and grape jelly. I crack it open and it REALLY smells just like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! OK, no more farting around; let's take a sip. (guzzle guzzle). Wow - my hat's off to you Jones Soda. This is fantastic. It's not like the time I tried peanut butter pop and it tasted like like sugared salt or the time I tried Caffeine Free diet coke and it tasted like butt-hole, no this actually tastes like the product it claims to be! I don't know if I could drink more than one without dying of a sorbate overdose, but I am impressed. It's nice to restart this blog with an actual good tasting soda for a change! Well that's it for today; join me next time as I try a twofer from Chicago's own Cicero Beverage Company.

Oh, and here's what my "fortune" under my bottle cap said. So...all you zesty ladies out there should give me a call and we'll go solve world hunger or eat a candy bar - whichever comes first.