MAYrathon Day 9: Sweet Jelly of Sweet Pumpkin

So I guess it's a pumpkin theme this week? This one has me so perplexed and baffled that, unlike a typical review of odd soda or weird food, I've decided to completely avoid doing any research or backstory on what this product actually is. It's so weird looking and sounding that I really just want to go in blind with this one. So instead of finding out what it is, let's analyze the box a little bit and see what the hell this could possibly be.

First of all, this was another gem I discovered at the Asian Market. This was tucked away by the cash register like where you would find the gum or tabloid magazines at any local American grocery store. It was just so weird that I HAD to pick it up. Let's just do a top ten list of things I've noticed or picked up on just by looking at this box - 

1. On the front of the box alone, the word sweet is used four times; twice in just the name of the product.

2. I didn't know green pumpkins existed. I know they're green as they're ripening, but this photo shows like an entire orchard of green pumpkins.

3. Do pumpkins have jelly?

4. Are sweet pumpkins a thing?

5. The box also says: Sweet Pumpkins 24%. Good? Bad? 

6. Ingredients claim to be pesticide free. Good? Bad?

7. Box claims to be both 20% soybean AND 100% soybean. Huh?

8. 18.8% Rice Syrup. Seems highly specific

9. It expired in January.

10. What the hell is wrong with me?

I open the box of mystery and it appears to be a golden tube of tooth paste. I don't see any discernible way to open this except to get some scissors out and stab open this old the old fashion way.

And there it is - Sweet Jelly of Sweet Pumpkin in all it's glory. It's gelatinous, sticky and smells like malted barley. Let's take a big bite and regret it instantly shall we? 

I honestly don't know what to compare it to. Now I'm wishing I did some research. It's like a gooey, malted, bitter pumpkin with semi-sweet tapioca. Do I like it? I just...don't know. I'm going to need at least three days and seven bathroom breaks to really make a decision on this one. One thing's for sure - that's enough May pumpkins for awhile.

Season Two - A Trip to the World Market (Part One)

Well it's been roughly a year of neglect, but after a random trip to a store called World Market, where the abundance of weird sodas called to me like a siren's song, I've decided to dust off the old blog and return to what I do best/worst - trying crappy sodas for my own amusement. New year. New apartment. Same old awful jokes that would make a fourth grader roll their eyes. Welcome to Season Two!




Jones Soda's Peanut Butter and Jelly 
I grew up on Jones Soda. It was like that special treat you found at some fancy coffee shop where your parents would fork up an extra three bucks for delicious sugary treats such as Fufu Berry or Blue Bubblegum. I always had a case of Green Apple stocked in my fridge during college. Plus they were made with pure cane sugar! Which at the time meant nothing other than to slap someone's Pepsi One out of their hands for having lame high fructose corn syrup instead of the CANE! Oddly enough, this was the only offering from Jones at the World Market and by far one of the strangest. Upon reading the bottle it looks as this is a limited edition release meant to "honor the basic workhorse lunch of lunches." I took a gander at the ingredients and saw no bread, peanut butter nor jelly. However much to my delight, it includes such delicacies as...artificial flavors, potassium sorbate and calcium disodium edta. Yea! Potassium and calcium in one wholesome drink, take THAT vegetables! The liquid in the bottle has a purplish tint to it which makes me guess they're going for peanut butter and grape jelly. I crack it open and it REALLY smells just like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! OK, no more farting around; let's take a sip. (guzzle guzzle). Wow - my hat's off to you Jones Soda. This is fantastic. It's not like the time I tried peanut butter pop and it tasted like like sugared salt or the time I tried Caffeine Free diet coke and it tasted like butt-hole, no this actually tastes like the product it claims to be! I don't know if I could drink more than one without dying of a sorbate overdose, but I am impressed. It's nice to restart this blog with an actual good tasting soda for a change! Well that's it for today; join me next time as I try a twofer from Chicago's own Cicero Beverage Company.

Oh, and here's what my "fortune" under my bottle cap said. So...all you zesty ladies out there should give me a call and we'll go solve world hunger or eat a candy bar - whichever comes first.