Watermelon Flavored Sodas

I really need to clean out my fridge. I've just been picking up random sodas left and right, and with my giant box of Asian sodas in transit, I need to clear some space. Typically when I do reviews I'll try to have a theme like nostalgia, Asian or Piece of Shit, but they can't all be creative winners. So today, let's look at three beverages that are watermelon flavored...because why not.

Filbert's Old Time Quality Watermelon

What's a health inspector?

Ah, good old Filbert's. Who could forget the Old Time Quality taste you include in every tasty bottle. Why, we've been best pals since - June of 2016. Maybe even July. Yea, I had never heard of Filbert's Soda before, but apparently it's a Chicago staple since 1926. Much like Vernors is to Detroit, I guess Filbert's is a mainstay in the Chicago area; the picture to the right is an actual photo of their bottling machinery, apparently unchanged since the 20s. I came across this bottle at a brewery in the suburbs. I had never (to the best of my knowledge) actually tried a watermelon flavored soda, so I was intrigued and tantalized. And then it sat in my fridge forgotten for two months. Well I pulled it out recently and looked up the company. Though I've lived in Chicago for ten years, and for most of that time off of Ashland Ave. (Where the company is located), I still have never heard of them. And now I am definitely on the hunt to find more, as they produce more than thirty flavors from Green Apple to Banana to Grapefruit to Mr. Newport (which I assume is a cigarette flavored soda). But the theme today is watermelon, so let's get into it.

No actual watermelons were killed in the making of this soda, and for a high-fructose beverage, it's only 100 calories. The smell is very sweet and reminiscent of a candy watermelon. Low carbonation and almost a sticky-sweet texture as it flows down the ol' soda hole........If I did a blind taste test, and you asked me to tell you what it is, I would probably say Faygo Red Pop or Big Red. While there's the slightest hint of watermelon, it really tastes more like a classic red soda. Not bad at all, but not really what was advertised. I'd give it an 8/10 for flavor, but a 2/10 for overall watermeloniness. (patent pending)

Jolly Rancher Soda: Watermelon

This one is the second Jolly Rancher flavored soda to come from my friend Anisa. Those Albanians must really Love soda based on candy! I'm actually really excited to try this because of how much I loved the Blue Raspberry flavored one I had a few months ago. I already gave my thoughts on Jolly Ranchers in that review, so I am just going to dive right in and skip the lame jokes and pop culture references. I crack open the bottle and, oh yea, it's a watermelon Rancher. The smell is spot on. It's like they added some carbonation to melted candy. The taste? Freaking amazing. It's literally a liquid jolly rancher. For flavor: 9/10. For watermeloniness: That's tricky because while it tastes exactly like a watermelon Jolly Rancher, it doesn't taste THAT much like a watermelon. More than Filbert's did though, so I'd go 7/10.

Trader Joe's Watermelon Cucumber Cooler

Finally, this one is a bit of a cheat as it's not a soda and not JUST watermelon flavored, but it's watermelon and it's in my fridge, so we're tasting it. I was a little late in the game in discovering Trader Joe's. I used to think that if I went in there, I would be sprayed with patchouli oil and forced to join a hackey sack league. Upon my first time shopping there, I asked for plastic bags and the whole place erupted in a pre-Civil Rights movement silence when someone crossed water fountains. But I've grown to love it, and one of my favorite things is their ever expansive line of juices. I've said it before, my favorite Gatorade flavor is the Cucumber Melon. So I have high hopes for this. It's actually made with watermelon and cucumber juice (concentrate) and there's a ton of sediment on the bottom of the jug which just screams "I'm real, dammit." Let's give it a shot, eh? It smells both exactly like watermelon and cucumber and also nothing like the two. It's hard to explain, and this blog has gotten long, so I'm not even going to try. (swig) Super, super sweet. I taste the flavors, but it is overwhelmingly sweet. 8% of your daily carbs and sugars, sweet. I would need to cut this with some water just to drink any more of it. Both flavor and watermeloniness (patent pending) get a 5/10. 

What a way to say goodbye to summer with these watermelon treats. Tune in next time where I drink dirt and grass...I wish I was kidding.

"Fan" Submissions - Jolly Rancher and Martian Poop Sodas

July 9th, 2013. Exactly three years ago, I started this little blog dedicated to trying and reviewing exotic and weird sodas, juices and foods. It's not something I ever kept a regular schedule on and definitely not, even though others have tried to push me towards it, something I did for monetary value or fame. It's just a little creative outlet where I can combine my love of writing and my love of sodas. I obviously didn't think I'd still be doing it three years later, and as time goes by, I find myself interested in perhaps getting the word out there more, perhaps learning to edit video and maybe even create a regular schedule with some cash bonus. But for now, I enjoy my little mini "fan base" I've collected. Friends and family have seemed to enjoy what I do on here and I've even collected a few treasures along the way from the soda pop pillow from my mom to the awesome coasters with my website from my godmother. I've also gotten plenty of requests and even, on a rare occasion, some submissions. Which brings me to where we are today with my first ever "fan" submission. Fan is in quotes because let's be honest, they're just friends who have probably taken pity on my terrible existence...let's drink!

  Jolly Rancher Soda: Blue Raspberry

This first one comes from a former student who graduated this year, Anisa. She had asked me if I liked Jolly Ranchers one day, to which I replied that I did but typically choose not to eat them. You see folks, not only have I been blessed with short stature, a flabby physique, webbed toes and a graying beard, but I've also been gifted with a small throat! Thank you, Jeebus. Basically, anytime I attempt to eat a hard candy, it almost always finds its way "down the wrong tube" and I end up gagging. jolly ranchers to me are like sunlight to vampires. However, she wasn't talking about the candy but the soda. "There's a Jolly Rancher Soda?" I said in disbelief. And the rest is history. It's been in my fridge for about a month now and I'm finally ready to check it out. My favorite flavors were always the Green Apple or the Spicy Cinnamon ones. I'm sure I've had the blue many times as a kid, but I can't recall exactly what it tasted like. Then I open the bottle and give it a sniff and my memory is suddenly jolted back to life. It smells just like a blue Jolly Rancher I remember from childhood. I had forgotten that smell for probably twenty years. (Going in for a sip). Oh man that is awesome. That's probably the best blue soda I've ever had. It's really fresh and actually goes out of its way to TASTE like the candy its based on. I really like that. Apparently they DO have the green apple and cinnamon flavors out there too, so I'll be keeping my eyes open for those. Very tasty! 

Martian Poop

Martian...Poop? Why? How? Why is it so green? Aren't martians themselves supposed to be green? Do they poop themselves out? Am I overthinking this entirely? Yes. So here's what I know. This comes to me from my best friend Bryan who knows of my affinity for weird sodas. This comes from the Marian Sodas line of beverages from Rocket Fizz. Basically they take less popular fruit flavors, make them into a soda and for some reason make them space themed. I've had two before: kumquat and plum, and they were both very tasty. But this one is based off a flavor I've never head of before - marionberry. (Apparently spell check has never heard of it either.) So before I open up this neon pink concoction with green poop on the label, let's take a trip to Wiki town and do a little research. 

So from what I could gather by trying to read with my fourth grade intelligence, is that a marionberry is a form of blackberry that was genetically created by Oregon State University. It's some sort of hybrid that isn't even supposed to exist. Much like...a martian??? I see what you did there Martian Poop. It's apparently also the source of controversy in Oregon because some want to name it the state berry while others continue supporting the current state berry, the kotata andzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, who the hell cares? Let's crack it open! It really is the pinkest soda I've ever seen. It's lightly carbonated and smells of vague fruits I guess. Let's have a taste. (gulp) That's interesting. It has a very vague blackberry taste but its not the domnating flavor. Dare I say cotton candy? Ruby red grapefruit? Alien excrement? It's arguably probably the sweetest thing I've ever put in my mouth too, and that's saying something! Well done martians; your poop is lovely and when we colonize your planet, I know what I'll be eating while those other idiots are chewing on sardine paste. 

Well it's been a fun three years and I look forward to the next three. Thanks for your support, polite chuckles and for only hating me behind my back. If you have any suggestions for things I should try or want to be the next "fan" to submit something for me to drink so you don't have to, let me know!