MAYrathon Day 19: Longan in Syrup

I think I'm getting sick. I was fine all day at school but as soon as I got home, my body just shut down. After weeks of long nights, early mornings and lots of responsibilities, I finally need a break! The problem is, tomorrow is the last Friday of the school year AND the last auditorium event of the year, AND we're going over the final in all my classes so...I'm screwed, I'm probably going to bed as soon as this review is done. But what to review? There's no way I can stomach anything weird, and pop just doesn't sound appealing right now. What's a sick Matty Mac to do? Well, I'm gonna robe up, grab a plastic fork and revisit some Asian Fruit. Canned Fruit. Longan! Longan?

Longan is also known as a Dragon Eye because of its shape and color when it is peeled. It looks on the outside like a small kiwi, but is actually part of the lychee family; however, longan is known to be much more sweet. It's used both in Chinese cuisines and sometimes for its medicinal purposes - Yes! I know I made a good decision here!

I open the can and peer inside. They're a lot smaller than I would have thought. Way smaller than a

kiwi but slightly bigger than a grape. As is customary whenever eating a canned fruit, I have to taste the juice first. It's definitely sweet and thick with syrup much like your everyday fruit cocktail that always comes with 6 million pears and one cherry. This has a bit more of a grapefruit taste to it.

I'm excited to try this. It's something I have certainly never had nor heard of in my life. Here goes nothing......well that's tough to describe. It's very firm as I bite into it and has an almost lemon rind texture to it. Also not as sweet as I would have thought. The syrup it was made with is way sweeter and fruity where as the fruit itself is pretty bland and uninspiring. Perhaps that is a result of the canning process. Either way, a bit of a letdown. I would only seek this out if I had the chance to try it fresh one day.
Alright, I am going to go to bed and set 56 alarms in hopes that I get up tomorrow. Knowing my luck, I have the chicken Pox.

Tummy Tickler: Smilin' Wolverine Head

Tummy Tickler Wolverine Apple Juice. 100% Healthy. 100% Fun. 100% NOT a good childhood role model! I mean seriously, of all the mascots the good folks at Tummy Tickler could pick to represent their wholesome childhood product, they choose Wolverine? You know what Wolverine is the best at? If you guessed beating super villains to a bloody pulp and being bloodier on an average Wednesday than John McClane in every "Die Hard" movie combined...then give yourself a bell. Just look at the image to the left. What person thought this guy should be smiling on top of a children's juice with a straw on his dumb head so children can suck away at his bloody brain knowledge? Let me read the label more here: "Apple Juice Concentrate from China." Figures.

Appearance:
To be fair, Tummy Tickler is not an exclusive Wolverine product. The company is well known for sticking a plastic straw through the heads of whatever cartoon is popular today ranging from Dora to Winnie the Pooh to Alfonso Ribeiro. It's cute. It's cheap. And like Pez Dispensers or Cracker Jacks, it gives kids a keepsake to go with their food or drink. This one claims to be 100% juice, equivalent to 3/4 a cup of fruit (good?) and weighs in at a whopping 6 oz. I'd need about six of these to quench my thirst, but then again, I'm not the target audience.

Smell/First Sip/Drinkability:

It Smells like F#(%*% Apple Juice
It Tastes like F#(%*% Apple Juice
Drinkability is F#(%*% Apple Juice




Overall:
I'm 25 years older than the target market for this product, but it was fun drinking from Wolverine's murder hole. You can always count on China to be good with the moral decisions for our youth; it's only a matter of time before they come out with Hello Kitty Beer...

Dammit China...

Vacation Edition Twofer - "Lychee Flavour" and "Milk Drink" Chinese Drinks

Well, I'm back from my Disney vacation in Florida and brought a few gems back to Chicago. For those of you who don't know about Epcot, they have what is called the World Showcase which is a representation of eleven different countries that include authentic food, drinks, decor and even employees from the country being represented. In China, I came across a beverage case and picked out two drinks that caught my eye.  

Lychee Flavour Aerated Water

The first drink that grabbed me was the lychee water. Here's my known history of lychee. I thought it was a booze, like Bacardi or Sake. On my 30th birthday, my parents got a bottle of it and we all did a celebratory drink before going to the Pistons game. I remember it tasting mildly like grapefruit, and it was quite tasty. That's all I knew. But apparently, it's a fruit/plant grown exclusively in various Asian countries. So let's see if lychee is tasty (Rhyming!).

Appearance - 

What actually drew me to this particular drink was how it looked. It's all plastic, but has the top of a soda can and the bottom of a water bottle. Pretty clever China. The bottle also depicts a picture of what I assume is a lychee. Spell check doesn't even recognize this word, so I don't know what the hell I'm getting myself into. 

Smell/First Sip - 

It smells very fresh and fruity with a floral undertone. Let's give it a sip. Not bad. It's essentially grapefruit juice without the sour afterburn. It's really fruity, and tastes more like juice than flavored water. 

Drinkability - Not much to say on this really. It's tasty. I would certainly get this again if I ever come across it, but it's pretty rare in the states and I wouldn't go out of my way to search it out. Overall - Well done, China.

"Milk Drink"

I've been kind of dreading this one. For one thing, I can find almost no information online about Mr. Smiling Asian boy, the Golden Fortune beverage company or his Milk Drink and two, it traveled around the US in a room temperature suitcase for a few days and then was re-refrigerated. It's made from milk powder (imported from New Zealand apparently), and not real dairy, so I think I'll live. If not, please call me an ambulance. On the distributor's website, it's listed in the dried foods category, not as a beverage.  

Appearance - 

The appearance is what drove me to buy this one. Look at that chubby-cheeked bastard. How could you say no to his milk drink? And I'm not just being lazy with giving you the details, that's all the can says about it - Milk Drink. I assume the Asian lettering has something to do with fat Americans and Jackie Chan.

Smell/First Sip - 

Well...it doesn't smell like milk. Not that I'm overly surprised. The best I can compare the smell to would be like a Yoo-Hoo drink. I notice the color is a little off, so I'm going to pour it into a glass before consuming

this crap. The camera really doesn't do it justice, but it's a lot darker than regular milk and with a thicker consistency. Almost like a vanilla malt form Big Boy. Here goes nothing...nope, not milk, not even close. You fail smiling Chinese boy. You just sold me a can of sweetened breast milk didn't you?

Drinkability - 
It's literally the sweetest beverage I've ever drank, and it's supposed to be milk. There's 25 grams of sugar...in this "Milk!" My teeth are actually begging for a can of coke right now to wash away the sugar! If I was able to find any info on this, I'm guessing it would say use one teaspoon when making a cake for the entire Chinese army. I hate you Milk Drink; I hate you so much.

That's it for today, coming up next, one I've been looking forward to trying for a long time - Kickapoo Joy Juice!